There are a number of benefits to being a proactive source of magic, wonder and surprise for your children every now and again:

• They will respect you

• They will enjoy being in your company

• They will stop pestering you so much to do things with you because you have taken control and are being proactive in this regard.

So, during the very long Soccer World Cup school holidays, take a few minutes every second day to create a “making fun out of nothing experience” which also doubles up as a connection experience between you and your child. Inspire your child by being fun to be with.

WEEK 2

Here are three ideas for this week which are simple to do and don’t require much in the way of specialised equipment or ingredients.

EEZI PEEZI PAPER PUZZLES

Making their own puzzles is a fantastic and inexpensive way of keeping children busy and entertained because they can make as many as they like, and they get to choose their own pictures too. Any bold and colourful picture will do the trick, whether from magazines or personal photographs printed out on the computer. The number of pieces and size of the pieces you decide to make will depend on the age of the child.

You will need:

• 1 large photo or magazine picture (A4 or A5 is best)

• Cardboard (just normal school project cardboard)

• Glue

• Ruler

• Pencil/pen/khoki

• Scissors (blunt nose for preschoolers)

What to do:

1. Stick the picture onto the piece of cardboard so that the cardboard forms a frame around the picture.

2. Using the ruler and pencil/pen/khoki draw cut lines onto the picture (please do this for, or help the under 6’s).

3. For 2 and 3 year olds cut the pictures into two and four pieces. You can cut them into smaller pieces as your child masters the puzzle. A six year old should be able to do at least a 24 piece puzzle for school readiness. As you are working off photographic material here the level of difficulty is higher than if you were working off a clear children’s puzzle picture. Click here for a puzzle age-ability guideline.

4. As you child masters the use of scissors and cutting accurately along a line, he/she can cut out the puzzle themselves (should be able to do this sometime between 4 and 5 years of age).

5. Make the activity more challenging for older children by cutting up the puzzles into more pieces or irregular shapes that fit together. This then becomes more of a problem solving, brain-teaser type activity.

STICK PUPPETS

Now here’s creativity on the run. Next time your children have ice-creams or ice-lollies, keep the sticks (or ask you GP for a couple of tongue depressors at the next visit, pharmacies stock them too). With a few khoki pens you can create some really fun stick puppets in just a minute or two. No gluing, no sewing, no cutting.

You will need:

• Wooden ice lolly sticks / tongue depressors

• Khoki pens

What to do:

1. Give the ice lolly sticks a good wash and let them dry completely. No need to do so with unused tongue depressors.

2. Take your khoki pens and draw eyes, nose and mouth, using different facial expressions on each stick. Add details such as hair, glasses, a necklace or a tie, etc. (older children can do all this themselves, parents of preschools will have to get more involved).

3. If you have enough sticks you can create your family for your child to play with, or a bunch of characters for a little play. Write the names of the characters on the back of the puppets to help the puppeteer.

MARSHMALLOW SANDWICHES

Surprise your children with a fascinating, no-bake treat. They will just love watching you create these Marshmallow Sandwiches. Do try one first so that you can judge when they are cool enough to eat.

You will need:

• Marie biscuits

• Marshmallows

• Microwave oven

• Microwaveable plate

What to do:

1. Place a marshmallow on the centre of a Marie Biscuit on a plate in the microwave oven. Cook on high for just a few seconds – watch it the whole time! The marshmallow will balloon and will almost reach the diameter of the biscuit.

2. Remove from the microwave and place a second Marie Biscuit on top. Squeeze gently to make a sandwich with a gooey centre.

3. Eat while still gooey but not hot enough to burn the mouth.

Have fun!

For more ideas of games to play with your child these holidays, click here for Nikki Bush’s Top 20 recommendations and here for Week 1 of Making Fun Out of Nothing ideas.

Nikki was interviewed for this article on technology and kids for True Love magazine (March 2010).  It encapsulates her thoughts well.

By MANDY COLLINS, published in True Love magazine, March 2010

Phindi (43) has found her daughter’s transition from child to teenager particularly difficult. “Bebe was always such a sweet, obedient child,” she says. “And overnight she became this completely different person. I can deal with the tantrums and the moodiness, but it’s the endless chatting on MXit I can’t take. She has so little to say to anyone at home, but she has plenty to say on MXit.”

Dineo (41) had a similar experience with daughter, Kutlwano, but she decided to be pro-active. “I signed up for Facebook and MXit,” she comments. “And if I find out she’s registered on Twitter, I’ll have to sign up there too! It’s been a bit of a learning curve for me, but at least I have some idea of what’s going on with her. I couldn’t think of any other way to keep tabs on her.”

It’s a dilemma many parents face with teenagers in particular. Given how non-communicative many of them become, how does one keep an eye on who they are talking to, who their friends are, what they’re up to? And where does one draw the line in terms of respecting their privacy?

After all, ask any parent of a child who committed suicide or got into some sort of serious trouble whether they wish they’d gone through that child’s diary or room, and the answer you’ll get will probably be a resounding ‘Yes!’ from all of them.

Creative parenting expert and co-author of Future-proof Your Child (Penguin, R143) Nikki Bush says it’s vital that parents engage with their children, and that they know what is going on in their children’s lives. “We cannot give up control,” she emphasises. “And we have to remember that children want boundaries – boundaries make them feel safe and secure. And when they push those boundaries, it’s because they’re trying to establish where they are. Behaviour that attracts your attention is there for a reason.”

Get to grips with the technology

Nikki says technology is a major problem for 21st Century parents, because it bewilders many of us and we tend to hand over control to our children as a result. “It’s our responsibility to understand the technology and remain relevant,” she comments, “even when we feel out of our depth.”

That’s exactly what Dineo has done, and in addition, she says she has no compunction at all about checking her daughter’s cell phone from time to time to see who she’s been SMSing and what messages she’s been receiving. “I’ve told her I’ll be checking, but I don’t give her any warning,” she says. “So far, I haven’t found anything, thank goodness. I might not be so quick to check her diary or journal if she had one, but if I was concerned about something in particular, I would probably even check that.”

Nikki feels you’re well within your rights to do this. “Tell them: ‘I’m your mother/father, I own the technology you’re using, and I have the right to know how you’re using it.’ We are not supposed to be our children’s best friends – we are the parents. We dare not be their mates until they have left home as young adults. They must know that there is authority in the home.

“As parents, it’s our job to have eyes and ears all round. We need to develop a sixth sense when things go awry. Some might call that spying, but others call it concern.”

Relationships matter

The issue, she says, is not so much whether or not you are spying on your child, but how good your relationship with that child is. “The whole thing rests on relationship,” she comments. “If you have a good, open relationship, your insistence on knowing what your child is doing will not be seen as spying, it will be seen as concern. And if you haven’t developed that relationship, consciously built togetherness, by the time they’re 14, it’s too late.”

She adds that buying the best of everything for our children is not a substitute for parenting; something many of us forget in the midst of the busy lives that we lead. “We trade time for a screen,” she points out. “We give them carte blanche to live a virtual reality. And in homes where parents don’t actively play with children, those children’s default setting becomes a screen, and that’s what they revert to when them are bored, or feeling lonely.”

Danger, beware!

The problem is that what might seem like innocent technology – cell phones, the Internet, even cartoon TV channels – have many hidden dangers, some so subtle that they are very difficult to detect. “We live in a plug and play world,” comments Nikki. “And we no longer introduce the world to our kids – it comes to them. Our role is to be a mediator and facilitator in that process. It cannot be unsupervised.”

In this regard, she suggests switching on whatever Internet safety filters are available to you; blocking undesirable channels if you have pay-TV, becoming a member on MXit and Facebook (“It makes them far less cool!” she remarks) and checking the history of the websites they visit from time to time.

“It’s your right, and it’s part of protecting them,” says Nikki. “We need to raise kids who are media-savvy, and part of that is learning that not everything they are exposed to is good for them. We need to teach them that.”

What you need to know

It’s vital that you know what your kids are doing, how often they’re doing it, and with whom. But as important, is the content of what they’re doing, particularly when it comes to gaming.

Games are not as well regulated as they could be, and many have children doing things in cyberspace that you would never ever permit.

“What many parents don’t realise is that when the soundtrack on a game has a beat that is greater than the child’s heart rate, the thinking brain shuts down after a few minutes, and the content of the game goes into the limbic system – the part of the brain that governs our emotions, beliefs and values.

“We need to be the gatekeepers of what our children are exposed to. We need to get a sense of who our kids are connected with, who they’re talking to. And we need to be vigilant without seeming to be so.”

Cybernannies

Parents are giving up more and more control – how many of us are happy to switch on the TV just so we can have a few minutes of peace? “And that’s okay occasionally,” says Nikki, “But in the holidays, some kids are watching more than seven hours of TV a day, because their parents are at work and not able to monitor their screen time.

“And nannies, au pairs and babysitters do the same thing when they’re tired. In the process, children may be exposed to a lot of inappropriate stuff. Kids aged seven to 12 are bombarded with around 5 000 marketing messages a week – are you there to mediate the conversation?”

Conscious parenting

The key is to be conscious, to be fully present when you’re with your children, and not distracted by the everyday busyness of your own life. Switch off the car radio; don’t multitask while they’re talking to you. Try and have at least one meal a day where the family eats together and has a conversation.

“The Youth Dynamix YouthTrax survey showed that 16- to 24-year-olds say family is still their primary role model,” says Nikki, “Family is the only place where they know they are loved for who they are. And it is so important that we understand that kids want quality time with us.”

We also need to be on the alert for any behavioural changes. “If something does change, don’t get hysterical,” says Nikki. “Stay calm, lower your voice, and let the child know you’re serious, even though they will try to provoke you sometimes.”

She suggests counteracting high-tech with high-touch; in other words, building good relationships with your children, and starting when they’ve very young, so that they trust you over and above all the many other messages they receive.

“You need to position yourself as a hero in your child’s life story,” concludes Nikki. “If you don’t, someone else will. Use technology to your advantage, and get the best out of it – for your children’s sake.”

Between a diary jam-packed with speaking engagements and organising my two boys’ busy school and extramural schedules, January passed in the blink of an eye. Sunday night is strategy night, and the plan for the week resembles that of a highly classified and important military operation. Sometimes it takes my breath away. I’m sure the feelings are similar in many households around the country.

Inbetween all the schedules and busyness, have you ever realised that you are always trying to market to, or sell your child/ren something – an idea, a value, a point of view, an action to be taken etc:

• It’s time for bed – NOW!
• Studying for a test IS a good idea.
• Pack your bags tonight for tomorrow.
• Carrots make you see better in the dark.
• There is no monster sleeping under your bed.
• Don’t let the dog lick your mouth – you’ll get worms!
• Sex is only for adults !!!!
• You are a gorgeous, talented individual. There is no-one quite like you.
• I love you to the moon and stars and back (even though you just nearly drove me round the bend!).

With this generation, authority does work (sometimes), particulary in the early years when “because I am your parent and I said so” still has some magical power to it, or if you have actively positioned yourself as a hero in your child’s life story. But, as children get older there is a tendency for them to either think or, even worse, verbalise “Says Who?” or “Who cares anyway?”. Living in a reward-based culture as we do, where it’s so commonplace for us to be rewarded for swiping our credit cards, being loyal to the same airline, store or restaurant, visiting the gym etc, our children could be forgiven for thinking: “If they want me to do this, what’s in it for me, what do I get?”

This is a very real challenge for 21st century parents. Of course the desired end result after years of parenting is for our children to be intrinsically motivated or self-motivated rather than relying on some form of external bribe etc. But, from time-to-time, it may be necessary to utilise various “marketing tactics” to get the message across to your child in a fun and playful way, or to get their buy-in until it becomes an adopted habit, value, thought or behaviour pattern.

You are in marketing and sales whether you like it or not! I know this fact wasn’t highlighted when you committed to becoming a parent, neither was it detailed in the fine print, but it’s true. Star charts, treats, promises and bribes are all in a parent’s marketing arsenal – to be used wisely, of course. And do watch what the marketers are doing – you could pick up an idea or two to add to your toolkit. Try these “promotions” for size, my kids loved them:

• Two for the price of one, eg. “Keep your room tidy for X weeks without being nagged and I won’t just take you for a milkshake but you can bring a friend along too”.
• Buy one, get one free, eg “Unpack your school bags / hang up your towel for a week without being asked and I’ll make you your favourite pudding on Friday night and you get to choose Friday night’s game / movie!”
• While stocks last promotion, eg “Get your homework done before the clock strikes 5pm, otherwise the offer of a game of Wii / or a game with me, runs out”.

Have fun and make it memorable.

NIKKI BUSH

“Playful parenting is a way to enter a child’s world, on the child’s terms, in order to foster closeness, confidence, and connection.”

Lawrence J. Cohen, Playful Parenting (Ballantine, 2001)

Dear Clients and Colleagues 

Today, Saturday, 28 May 2009, is World Play Day – a reminder of a child’s right to play (the Right to Play and Recreation is part of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, Article 31). Celebrate the power and possibilities of play everyday – after all play is the language of childhood and play is absolutely FREE.

As we move through our daily lives with vision and purpose, with our action lists and tight schedules, don’t forget to be light and playful with your children. When you are playful you unlock your child, and you relax a the same time. When you come in from a busy time, at work or otherwise, you could try playing Dead Ants, a “silly little game” that has the power to change the mood and shift the energy for everyone. When you shout “Dead Ants!”, everyone must lie down immediately on their backs on the floor, kicking their legs and shaking their arms in the air (continue for 30 seconds or so). It’s a real laugh and it will put a smile on everyone’s face immediately, making it easier to bridge the gap beyond your busyness and the daily rush.

Sometimes silly little games are the perfect antidote to adult seriousness. They are a playful, non-verbal way of saying: “I’m here, I’m home and I want to be with you!”

MY NEW BOOK – EASY ANSWERS TO AWKWARD QUESTIONS

You can look forward to the arrival of my new book sometime in June. Easy Answers to Awkward Questions: what 8 – 13 year olds need to know about their changing bodies, sex, babies, their rights and more……… I will drop you a line as soon as I have a firm date and a list of bookstores and other retail outlets who will be stocking it. It will be published in both English and Afrikaans by Metz Press.

TALKS AND WORKSHOPS

April and May were extremely busy! I had the privilege of addressing groups of parents and educators in Gauteng, KZN, Cape Town and Knysna. Thank you to you all for your enthusiasm for my work. Your positive feedback has been very moving. Due to numerous corporate and school bookings this month I will only be presenting two public workshops in June.

Nuts & Bolts Workshop

Thursday, 18 June 2009, 9am – 12pm Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, Bryanston, GAUTENG

Cost: R300 per head

Bookings: nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

(A minimum of 10 delegates up to a maximim of 40. Payment secures your seat.)

 A fun, interactive workshop covering the specific perceptual skills your child needs to acquire within the first six years of life in order to be ready for school. Get dozens of ideas to help you be really creative with your classic toys such as: shape sorters, stackers, threading and pegging games, matching and association games, puzzles, gross motor equipment, construction toys etc.

This workshop takes parents well beyond what’s in the instruction leaflets. Parents are encouraged to put their own stamp on their child’s play experiences by using their imagination, adding love letters, breaking the rules and combining games in order to create more games! Come prepared to play.

Parenting on the Run Workshop

Saturday, 20 June 2009 9am – 12pm Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, Bryanston, GAUTENG

Cost: R300 per head

Bookings: nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

 (A minimum of 10 delegates up to a maximim of 40. Payment secures your seat.)

Parents today are busy. Being able to parent creatively – on the run – makes your parenting journey easier and much more fun. In this talk, creative parenting expert and author, Nikki Bush, introduces the concept of cheating time and turning the ordinary into the extraordinary, helping parents to give away the guilt they so often feel.

She will show you how time spent in the car; doing household chores and activities or waiting for appointments, can be so valuable to both you and your child – it is never a waste of time! This insightful talk is peppered with personal anecdotes and you will leave armed with over 100 creative and practical ideas for converted wasted time with your children into quality time.

Nikki will also include her ever-popular suggestions on toys to pack for travelling, or for when you are simply on the run. Connecting and communicating your child can be so easy, even for busy parents.

Keep on playing with your precious children. It’s good for everyone.

Kind regards

NIKKI BUSH

The Bright Ideas Outfit

083 265 5754

nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

www.brightideasoutfit.com

The world has changed. The future has changed. Childhood is changing. Raising children has never been more challenging – or potentially rewarding. This presentation is suitable for anyone involved in raising children, from parents to teachers, aunts, uncles, grandparents and even parents to be.

Nikki Bush, creative parenting expert and author, explores what you need to know about tomorrow’s world and what you need to do to prepare today’s children for a world that doesn’t yet exist. The focus is on understanding the future, creating appropriate structures and developing characteristics in your children (and yourself) that will help them face anything that life might throw at them. Raising children who will “be talent” is to raise children who are going to have what it takes not just to survive this new world, but who will be able to shape and influence it too. To be successful in the future, our children need to be “future-proofed” by influential adults (primarily their parents and teachers) in the foundation phase of their lives – from birth to age 10 – before they enter puberty.

This thought provoking multimedia presentation will introduce you to the X-factors required for success in 2020 and beyond, providing many practical ideas to help children to develop them from an early age. It will highlight the critical importance of making choices, having conversations and choosing to consciously connect with tomorrow’s children today.

This presentation has been developed by Nikki Bush and Dr Graeme Codrington who have co-authored the book Future-proof Your Child, due for release by Penguin on 1 October 2008.