Between a diary jam-packed with speaking engagements and organising my two boys’ busy school and extramural schedules, January passed in the blink of an eye. Sunday night is strategy night, and the plan for the week resembles that of a highly classified and important military operation. Sometimes it takes my breath away. I’m sure the feelings are similar in many households around the country.

Inbetween all the schedules and busyness, have you ever realised that you are always trying to market to, or sell your child/ren something – an idea, a value, a point of view, an action to be taken etc:

• It’s time for bed – NOW!
• Studying for a test IS a good idea.
• Pack your bags tonight for tomorrow.
• Carrots make you see better in the dark.
• There is no monster sleeping under your bed.
• Don’t let the dog lick your mouth – you’ll get worms!
• Sex is only for adults !!!!
• You are a gorgeous, talented individual. There is no-one quite like you.
• I love you to the moon and stars and back (even though you just nearly drove me round the bend!).

With this generation, authority does work (sometimes), particulary in the early years when “because I am your parent and I said so” still has some magical power to it, or if you have actively positioned yourself as a hero in your child’s life story. But, as children get older there is a tendency for them to either think or, even worse, verbalise “Says Who?” or “Who cares anyway?”. Living in a reward-based culture as we do, where it’s so commonplace for us to be rewarded for swiping our credit cards, being loyal to the same airline, store or restaurant, visiting the gym etc, our children could be forgiven for thinking: “If they want me to do this, what’s in it for me, what do I get?”

This is a very real challenge for 21st century parents. Of course the desired end result after years of parenting is for our children to be intrinsically motivated or self-motivated rather than relying on some form of external bribe etc. But, from time-to-time, it may be necessary to utilise various “marketing tactics” to get the message across to your child in a fun and playful way, or to get their buy-in until it becomes an adopted habit, value, thought or behaviour pattern.

You are in marketing and sales whether you like it or not! I know this fact wasn’t highlighted when you committed to becoming a parent, neither was it detailed in the fine print, but it’s true. Star charts, treats, promises and bribes are all in a parent’s marketing arsenal – to be used wisely, of course. And do watch what the marketers are doing – you could pick up an idea or two to add to your toolkit. Try these “promotions” for size, my kids loved them:

• Two for the price of one, eg. “Keep your room tidy for X weeks without being nagged and I won’t just take you for a milkshake but you can bring a friend along too”.
• Buy one, get one free, eg “Unpack your school bags / hang up your towel for a week without being asked and I’ll make you your favourite pudding on Friday night and you get to choose Friday night’s game / movie!”
• While stocks last promotion, eg “Get your homework done before the clock strikes 5pm, otherwise the offer of a game of Wii / or a game with me, runs out”.

Have fun and make it memorable.

NIKKI BUSH

“Playful parenting is a way to enter a child’s world, on the child’s terms, in order to foster closeness, confidence, and connection.”

Lawrence J. Cohen, Playful Parenting (Ballantine, 2001)

Dear Clients and Colleagues 

Today, Saturday, 28 May 2009, is World Play Day – a reminder of a child’s right to play (the Right to Play and Recreation is part of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, Article 31). Celebrate the power and possibilities of play everyday – after all play is the language of childhood and play is absolutely FREE.

As we move through our daily lives with vision and purpose, with our action lists and tight schedules, don’t forget to be light and playful with your children. When you are playful you unlock your child, and you relax a the same time. When you come in from a busy time, at work or otherwise, you could try playing Dead Ants, a “silly little game” that has the power to change the mood and shift the energy for everyone. When you shout “Dead Ants!”, everyone must lie down immediately on their backs on the floor, kicking their legs and shaking their arms in the air (continue for 30 seconds or so). It’s a real laugh and it will put a smile on everyone’s face immediately, making it easier to bridge the gap beyond your busyness and the daily rush.

Sometimes silly little games are the perfect antidote to adult seriousness. They are a playful, non-verbal way of saying: “I’m here, I’m home and I want to be with you!”

MY NEW BOOK – EASY ANSWERS TO AWKWARD QUESTIONS

You can look forward to the arrival of my new book sometime in June. Easy Answers to Awkward Questions: what 8 – 13 year olds need to know about their changing bodies, sex, babies, their rights and more……… I will drop you a line as soon as I have a firm date and a list of bookstores and other retail outlets who will be stocking it. It will be published in both English and Afrikaans by Metz Press.

TALKS AND WORKSHOPS

April and May were extremely busy! I had the privilege of addressing groups of parents and educators in Gauteng, KZN, Cape Town and Knysna. Thank you to you all for your enthusiasm for my work. Your positive feedback has been very moving. Due to numerous corporate and school bookings this month I will only be presenting two public workshops in June.

Nuts & Bolts Workshop

Thursday, 18 June 2009, 9am – 12pm Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, Bryanston, GAUTENG

Cost: R300 per head

Bookings: nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

(A minimum of 10 delegates up to a maximim of 40. Payment secures your seat.)

 A fun, interactive workshop covering the specific perceptual skills your child needs to acquire within the first six years of life in order to be ready for school. Get dozens of ideas to help you be really creative with your classic toys such as: shape sorters, stackers, threading and pegging games, matching and association games, puzzles, gross motor equipment, construction toys etc.

This workshop takes parents well beyond what’s in the instruction leaflets. Parents are encouraged to put their own stamp on their child’s play experiences by using their imagination, adding love letters, breaking the rules and combining games in order to create more games! Come prepared to play.

Parenting on the Run Workshop

Saturday, 20 June 2009 9am – 12pm Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, Bryanston, GAUTENG

Cost: R300 per head

Bookings: nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

 (A minimum of 10 delegates up to a maximim of 40. Payment secures your seat.)

Parents today are busy. Being able to parent creatively – on the run – makes your parenting journey easier and much more fun. In this talk, creative parenting expert and author, Nikki Bush, introduces the concept of cheating time and turning the ordinary into the extraordinary, helping parents to give away the guilt they so often feel.

She will show you how time spent in the car; doing household chores and activities or waiting for appointments, can be so valuable to both you and your child – it is never a waste of time! This insightful talk is peppered with personal anecdotes and you will leave armed with over 100 creative and practical ideas for converted wasted time with your children into quality time.

Nikki will also include her ever-popular suggestions on toys to pack for travelling, or for when you are simply on the run. Connecting and communicating your child can be so easy, even for busy parents.

Keep on playing with your precious children. It’s good for everyone.

Kind regards

NIKKI BUSH

The Bright Ideas Outfit

083 265 5754

nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

www.brightideasoutfit.com

The world has changed. The future has changed. Childhood is changing. Raising children has never been more challenging – or potentially rewarding. This presentation is suitable for anyone involved in raising children, from parents to teachers, aunts, uncles, grandparents and even parents to be.

Nikki Bush, creative parenting expert and author, explores what you need to know about tomorrow’s world and what you need to do to prepare today’s children for a world that doesn’t yet exist. The focus is on understanding the future, creating appropriate structures and developing characteristics in your children (and yourself) that will help them face anything that life might throw at them. Raising children who will “be talent” is to raise children who are going to have what it takes not just to survive this new world, but who will be able to shape and influence it too. To be successful in the future, our children need to be “future-proofed” by influential adults (primarily their parents and teachers) in the foundation phase of their lives – from birth to age 10 – before they enter puberty.

This thought provoking multimedia presentation will introduce you to the X-factors required for success in 2020 and beyond, providing many practical ideas to help children to develop them from an early age. It will highlight the critical importance of making choices, having conversations and choosing to consciously connect with tomorrow’s children today.

This presentation has been developed by Nikki Bush and Dr Graeme Codrington who have co-authored the book Future-proof Your Child, due for release by Penguin on 1 October 2008. 

Dear Clients & Colleagues

“Play is the foundation of creative intelligence, but like any intelligence it must be developed, in keeping with nature’s model imperative. The child who is played with will learn to play. The child who is not played with will be unable to play and be at risk on every level.” Joseph Chilton Pearce, Evolution’s End (1993)

Since my last newsletter I have become the mother of a teenager! My son Ryan turned 13 this month and now towers well over an inch above me and has a size 11 shoe (yes, his dad is 6ft5” tall!). My wired son now sms’s the landline to tell me when he is in bed and ready to be tucked in. I got the giggles the other night when this American voicemail voice came down the line saying: “Are you coming any time soon?” Cheeky boy!

We are loving watching all Ryan’s friends turn into teens and what a great group of kids they are. We organised a Mad Food Party for 17 thirteen year olds the other day and they had a ball trying to decode their menus and ordering the strangest of concoctions. For first course one child ordered a knife, fork, spoon, salt and pepper (Neptune’s Trident, Mugger’s Delight, Medium Shovel, Savoury Rock and Hot Sneeze)! Many received ice cream with mayonnaise on the side and a sosatie for mains (Eskimo Milk, Tangy Dipper and Pierced Hen) with no utensils at all, and still others found themselves eating salad with chocolate sauce and yellow rice for dessert (Bunny’s Brunch, Solid Cocoa and Lello Lice), with a toothpick. In between we played some hilarious games and then the boys kept asking for more. It just goes to show that big kids stilll wanna play and have fun! Just because they are growing up and are part of the wired generation doesn’t mean they have outgrown the need or desire to play. And this is why I have developed the Big Kid Fun© Workshop for parents of children from eight years to teens (yes, I will teach you the hilarious games we played at the party too!).

I was relieved of all mothering duties last weekend as my husband took our boys off to the Desert Rally in Botswana with a couple of mates and their sons. They camped out in the middle of nowhere, not showering on cleaning their teeth for two days and nights. They watched the cars, bikes and quads come racing by, got absolutely filthy from playing one, two, three block in the bush and returned with a patchwork quilt of thorn scratches on their legs. The dads say it is amazing how the boys never whinge and are so brave when mum isn’t around! It was really good ‘boy fun’ for Father’s Day, that has become an annual tradition for these lads and dads, proving the point that there’s nothing as rewarding as making fun out of nothing. When there are no toys, nature provides all the inspiration for wholesome fun. Space and nature is something children, and boys in particular, yearn for. It is a rare commodity in our world of high density living and the limitations placed on our children’s freedom to explore the outdoors due to security issues.

What family traditions are you creating that your children will be able to reminisce about around a campfire one day? Are you making the time to get your children ‘out’ and away from the lure of the multimedia home entertainment centre that has become more than just the babysitter but a perceived bodyguard? And if you can’t get out, get playing. Here is something you can start with………………………..

BIG KID FUN© WORKSHOPS

Big Kid Fun© is for all those parents (and grandparents) who have been asking “What next? What do we do with our children over the age of seven?” Big Kid Fun© is a workshop designed for families with 8 – 99 year olds who love to have fun. It is a very interactive workshop that will consist of a small amount of theory – the importance of play and staying connected with your children – and a lot of Big Kid Fun©. Yes, you will play a lot including some hilarious games you have never heard of! You will be reminded of all the fun to be had with a simple deck of cards, then you will tantalise your tastebuds with some heavenly winter desserts, tea and coffee, afterwhich I will take you through my top family games (classics and those that are hot right now). Big kids of all ages still wanna play and have fun. Join us for an entertaining and inspiring 3 hour workshop.

DATE & TIME (choose one date): Wednesday, 16 July, 7 – 10pm, Thursday, 17 July, 9am – 12pm Wednesday, 23 July, 7 – 10pm Wednesday, 30 July, 7 – 10pm Thursday, 31 July, 7 – 10pm

VENUE : 6 Lombardi Lane, Douglasdale

COST : R300.00 per person including workshop, notes, refreshments and lucky draws)

BOOKINGS : brightideas@powerpt.co.za

PARENTING ON THE RUN© WORKSHOP

Come and learn how to cheat time in this interactive 2 ½ hour workshop. Leave armed with over 100 creative and practical ideas for converting what you would normally consider wasted time with your children, into quality time. I will show you how to maximize time spent in the car; doing everyday household activities, or even waiting for appointments with your child.

I will also include my ever-popular suggestions on toys to pack for travelling, or for when you are simply on the run. Your child need never be bored and you can always connect no matter where you are or what you are doing. Connecting and communicating your child can be so easy. Join the quest to become a more creative and effective parent. Suitable for parents with children from 2 – 8 (although all ideas are relevant right up to teens!).

DATE & TIME: Tuesday, 22 July 2008, 9 – 11.30am

VENUE : 6 Lombardi Lane, Douglasdale

COST : R250.00 per person including notes, refreshments and lucky draws

BOOKINGS : brightideas@powerpt.co.za

Keep on playing and connecting with your precious children!

NIKKI BUSH

The Bright Ideas Outfit

It seems that campaigns by lobbying groups against indiscriminate marketing to children are starting to pay off with well-known corporations agreeing to change food formulations and marketing tactics to avoid facing law suits. Kellogg’s hit the headlines just this week, click here for details http://www.commercialfreechildhood.org/settlement.htm. The Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood (CCFC) is now targeting the gaming industry regarding violence and children with the imminent release of Manhunt 2 (which has already been banned in the UK). Another coup late last year was the CFCC’s stand against the launch of the Pussycat Dolls by Hasbro http://www.commercialfreechildhood.org/news/risquedolllimit.htm.

This is all positive and interesting stuff, however, as I say to parents in my Connecting with Children through the Noise & Clutter presentation, while these organisations are doing a great job on our behalf, it is only half of the battle won. We, as parents, have to take responsibility for what goes on in our own homes and backyards too. Here are some thoughts to ponder:

- Are we taking advantage of teachable moments to educate our children (billboard advertisements, inappropriate TV viewing etc)?
- Are we helping our children to select appropriate on-screen content?
- Are we limiting our children’s exposure to on-screen media and balancing it with real play experiences?
- Are we educating ourselves about the various media and communication channels our children are accessing or being accessed by (www.digitalads.org )
- Are we educating our children about marketing tactics? What is the marketer or advertiser is really selling and how are they doing it?
- Do these marketing messages fit in with our family values?
- Are we giving our children clear guidelines as to the unwritten ground rules that apply in our own homes (how we do things around here)?
- Are we spending enough time face-to-face with our children?
- Are we outsourcing child care or are we outsourcing actual parenting today?
- How well do we know our child? Do we know which buttons to press to engage him or her?

As a parent you are your child’s primary educator and principle purveyor of values. You are the role model and your child copies you. Are you walking your talk? Remember that we are living in the Age of the Image – children are taking their cues more from what they see than what they hear. This has huge ramifications for families for it is no longer a ‘do as I say world’, but a ‘do as I do world’. Our children are watching us. So are advertisers and marketers, who are competing for our leading role.

The world is as it is. The media and technology are not going to go away. It is a fact that we can no longer totally protect our children in a plug and play world. Today the world comes to you, with or without your permission. It interacts with your child too, much of the time with or without your permission (billboards and cellphones are good examples, for more see www.digitalads.org ). This also means that the world today is full of teachable moments. Are you going to avoid them or use them to educate and protect your child? Without a doubt, young children need to learn to discern from an extremely early age. The process of teaching your child to be discerning and media savvy is one of the ways in which you can help to keep them safe. This process starts with you, the parent – your preparedness to really engage with your child; the relationship you consciously set out to build with your child; the knowledge you acquire, and the skill with which you apply that knowledge to your parenting journey.

If there ever was a need to parent consciously, the time is NOW!