There is a rising tide of anxiety among parents about the future and the prospects for their children because the future is no longer predictable. With less certainty parents feel less confident about parenting and how to prepare their children for their future. Through my work with mums and dads I find this translating into an increase in tentative parenting, and you can’t be tentative with children. Tentative parenting is wobbly, at best, and scary for children at worst. Hesitant or overly cautious parents often do their children a disservice by creating a leadership vacuum or denying their children sufficient opportunities for growth by being overprotective.

I recently spent an interesting morning listening to visiting US clinical and organisational psychologist Dr Rob Evans, author of Family Matters: How schools can cope with the crisis in childrearing (Jossey-Bass, 2004). According to Evans, the rate of change we are experiencing and the explosion of choices around us are creating both huge opportunities and much confusion. “These conditions are having a profound effect on the way parents parent their children and the way in which they approach their child’s school and teachers.” This, he feels, is having a negative impact on our children’s preparedness for the future.

For parents to partner effectively with their children’s school, Dr Evans had the following advice:

• Stop expecting that school alone can prepare your child for the future. Parents are trying to prepare the path for the child instead of preparing the child for the path.
• Choose a school or education system, understand the rules and policies and play by them. Stop asking for exceptions for your child as it does your child no good in the long term.
• The most important lessons we learn in life we’ve often learnt at the feet of pain, loss and disappointment. Don’t take away these learning opportunities from your children. Don’t smooth the path too much or you won’t prepare the child.
• Stop worrying about whether your child is happy or whether your child actually likes you. The important thing is what kind of future you want for them and whether you are helping or hindering that preparation. Sometimes you have to hold the line with your child about the big stuff, even if it makes you unpopular. Children will get mad with you but you need to let them get glad again – they always do.
• Take a breath, find your courage and let your children grow more on their own. They all have fragile moments but few children are extremely fragile. All the evidence about children is that they are extremely resilient.

I left Dr Evans with a copy of my book, Future-proof Your Child, (Penguin, 2008) which dovetailed so beautifully with his talk. If you want to understand the forces which are changing the future as we speak, then do give it a read. Understanding what we need to know about tomorrow today, why we need to know it, and what we need to do about it will help you to parent more confidently and less tentatively. Information and understanding together with a healthy dose of courage, will enable you to make clearer choices for your children and your family today.

Between a diary jam-packed with speaking engagements and organising my two boys’ busy school and extramural schedules, January passed in the blink of an eye. Sunday night is strategy night, and the plan for the week resembles that of a highly classified and important military operation. Sometimes it takes my breath away. I’m sure the feelings are similar in many households around the country.

Inbetween all the schedules and busyness, have you ever realised that you are always trying to market to, or sell your child/ren something – an idea, a value, a point of view, an action to be taken etc:

• It’s time for bed – NOW!
• Studying for a test IS a good idea.
• Pack your bags tonight for tomorrow.
• Carrots make you see better in the dark.
• There is no monster sleeping under your bed.
• Don’t let the dog lick your mouth – you’ll get worms!
• Sex is only for adults !!!!
• You are a gorgeous, talented individual. There is no-one quite like you.
• I love you to the moon and stars and back (even though you just nearly drove me round the bend!).

With this generation, authority does work (sometimes), particulary in the early years when “because I am your parent and I said so” still has some magical power to it, or if you have actively positioned yourself as a hero in your child’s life story. But, as children get older there is a tendency for them to either think or, even worse, verbalise “Says Who?” or “Who cares anyway?”. Living in a reward-based culture as we do, where it’s so commonplace for us to be rewarded for swiping our credit cards, being loyal to the same airline, store or restaurant, visiting the gym etc, our children could be forgiven for thinking: “If they want me to do this, what’s in it for me, what do I get?”

This is a very real challenge for 21st century parents. Of course the desired end result after years of parenting is for our children to be intrinsically motivated or self-motivated rather than relying on some form of external bribe etc. But, from time-to-time, it may be necessary to utilise various “marketing tactics” to get the message across to your child in a fun and playful way, or to get their buy-in until it becomes an adopted habit, value, thought or behaviour pattern.

You are in marketing and sales whether you like it or not! I know this fact wasn’t highlighted when you committed to becoming a parent, neither was it detailed in the fine print, but it’s true. Star charts, treats, promises and bribes are all in a parent’s marketing arsenal – to be used wisely, of course. And do watch what the marketers are doing – you could pick up an idea or two to add to your toolkit. Try these “promotions” for size, my kids loved them:

• Two for the price of one, eg. “Keep your room tidy for X weeks without being nagged and I won’t just take you for a milkshake but you can bring a friend along too”.
• Buy one, get one free, eg “Unpack your school bags / hang up your towel for a week without being asked and I’ll make you your favourite pudding on Friday night and you get to choose Friday night’s game / movie!”
• While stocks last promotion, eg “Get your homework done before the clock strikes 5pm, otherwise the offer of a game of Wii / or a game with me, runs out”.

Have fun and make it memorable.

NIKKI BUSH

Dear Clients and Colleagues 

 “Parenting and playfulness can seem like contradictions, but sometimes we just need a little push, to find one another and have fun together.” Lawrence J. Cohen, Playful Parenting (Ballantine Books, 2001)

“Something’s clicked!” were my sister’s words to me last Saturday when we were discussing her six year old daughter’s progress on the tennis court. ” I don’t know what’s happened but it’s starting to come together.” It reminded me of my boys when they first started off in the game (as with any other sport). To begin with, their shots were almost mechanical in their execution – they were paying attention to every aspect of the shot, overemphasising it, almost making it look awkward. And then at some point in time all those details come together in one flowing movement which not only looks good but it works,.

When children learn anything whether it be crawling, walking, speaking, reading, writing or a sport, they need to learn the basics, the constituent parts and then learn to put them together, into the correct sequence. This is the perceptual skill of analysis and synthesis and it takes planning. Some of the keys to effective learning at all ages are repetition, persistence and perseverance – mastering the movement, deciphering the words or grooving the shot.

 I am so grateful that my sons’ tennis coach warned me early on to bear with her because not only would it take a while for their shots to look like something, but most importantly, it was essential to get the basics of each stroke absolutely correct from the beginning. I have to admit there have been times when, like my sister, I have wondered when exactly it would all come together. And then, suddenly, something clicks and they go from functional to stylish and competent, almost overnight. But, of course, it has been weeks, months or years in the making. As our children’s cheerleaders, our gifts are patience, time and encouragement, for Rome wasn’t built in a day.

We need to step back every now and again, and sit and watch with wonder and amazement at the miracle that is our child, marvelling at the power of the brain-body connection. Life takes practice and time. We must support the journey.

TALKS AND WORKSHOPS

I had a lot of fun in March presenting to different groups of parents and educators in Gauteng and KZN, from Grade 12 life orientation teachers in Soweto, to HeronBridge College (Gauteng), St Martin’s, Wykeham Collegiate and Top Tots/Cowan House(all in KZN) as well as some private functions. A big thank you to all my gracious hosts who put so much effort into the organisation of each function. April will be spent travelling with my family and presenting at various public and private events in the Cape including two presentations at the Global Speakers’ Summit where a few hundred top speakers from all over the world will be congregating.

I am running public workshops in Cape Town (21 April), Knysna (23 and 28 April) and Johannesburg (May 7, 8, 14, 15, 16, 17) in amongst private talks for schools and corporates in Johannesburg and KZN. Please see booking details below.

Please note that while I have set presentation fees for public workshops, when I am booked by a private organisation or school, costs per head for workshops and talks may vary for the following reasons: by how much the organisation is subsidising the talk, the number of people attending, costs of venue, catering etc.

Parenting on the Run Workshop (one hour) on Tuesday, 21 April 2009, 6 – 7.00pm at the Plumstead Methodist Church, CAPE TOWN.  Cost: R40 per head. Bookings: Alet Prinsloo (021) 762 2787 074 124 0514 alet@perfectpic.co.za

About the talk:  Parents today are busy. Being able to parent creatively – on the run – makes your parenting journey easier and much more fun. In this talk, creative parenting expert and author, Nikki Bush, introduces the concept of cheating time and turning the ordinary into the extraordinary, helping parents to give away the guilt they so often feel as they juggle life and parenting. Come away with 50 practical ideas of how to create quality time moments with your children when you are on the run. Learn to cheat time by converting “wasted time” into quality time.

Parenting on the Run Workshop (2.5 hours) on Wednesday, 23 April 200, 5.30 – 8pm at Oakhill School, KNYSNA.  Cost: R150 per person or R200 if both parents attend. Bookings: Lucia Salters, saltersjl@iafrica.com, 082 806 4619.

About the workshop:  As above but includes well over 100 ideas and Nikki will also include her ever-popular suggestions on toys to pack for travelling, or for when you are simply on the run. Connecting and communicating with your child can be so easy, even for busy parents.

Future-proof Your Child talk on Tuesday, 28 April 2009 from 6.00 – 7.00pm at Oakhill School, KNYSNA.  Cost: R30 per person or R50 per couple. Bookings: Lucia Salters, saltersjl@iafrica.com, 082 806 4619.

About the talk: The world has changed. The future has changed. Childhood is changing. Raising children has never been more challenging – or potentially rewarding. Nikki Bush, creative parenting expert and author of the popular new book, Future-proof Your Child, explores what you need to know about tomorrow today, why you need to know this and what you need to do to prepare today’s children for a world that doesn’t yet exist.

This thought provoking multi-media presentation, peppered with personal anecdotes, will introduce you to the X-factors required for success in 2020 and beyond, providing many practical ideas to help children to develop them from an early age. This talk is suitable for anyone involved in raising children, from parents to teachers, aunts, uncles, grandparents and even parents to be.

Parenting on the Run Workshop on Thursday, 7 May 2009 from 9 – 11.30am at the Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, BRYANSTON.  Cost: R300 per person, includes notes and tea. Bookings: nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

About this workshop:  see above for details.

Nuts & Bolt Workshop on  Friday, 8 May 2009 from 8.30 – 11.30am at the Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, BRYANSTON, JHB.  Cost: R300 per person, includes notes and tea.  Bookings: nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

About this workshop:  A fun, interactive workshop covering the specific perceptual skills your child needs to acquire within the first six years of life in order to be ready for school. Get dozens of ideas to help you be really creative with your classic toys such as: shape sorters, stackers, threading and pegging games, matching and association games, puzzles, gross motor equipment, construction toys etc.

This workshop takes parents well beyond what’s in the instruction leaflets. Parents are encouraged to put their own stamp on their child’s play experiences by using their imagination, adding love letters, breaking the rules and combining games in order to create more games! Come prepared to play.

Beyond the Nappy Bag talks, 14 – 17 May 2009 at The Baby Expo, The Dome NORTHGATE, JHB.  Bookings: Watch the press for details. 

About this talk:  A brand new talk for moms who are moving into the next phase of their child’s development.

Keep on playing with your precious children over this holiday period. If you find play difficult just start with 10 minute sessions and build up from there. Remember that we are hard-wired to play, it is part of our human nature, we have just forgotten how.

Kind regards

NIKKI BUSH

The Bright Ideas Outfit 

nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

Dear Clients and Colleagues

“Everyone knows that childhood is a developmental journey for children. Few realise that guiding, learning from and mentoring children is a developmental process for adults, a transformative practice every bit as demanding as found in any martial art, monastery or athletic training camp.”

Michael Mendizza, Magical Parent Magical Child

(North Atlantic Books, 2003)

By the end of each year we can’t wait for school holidays to give us a respite from the school lifts, rushing from one extramural activity to another, school plays, year end parties and all the things that make the treadmill move ever faster. And then, by the second last week of the holidays we can’t wait to get our children back into a “regular” routine again because they are becoming unplayable. Sound familliar?. Now that we have all been back at school for a month and are settling into new routines (it takes a while, especially if you have more than one child to accommodate in between your own stuff!) there is a feeling of having found a kind of rhythm. But, wait a minute, mid-term break is just around the corner (always a bit too soon in the first term, I feel) and after that winter sports start and the routine we have just got used to will change. My brain is fried before we even begin!

 We all thrive on routine vs chaos, especially childen. Routines provide a rhythm for the day that is predictable and makes our children feel more secure. Routines shouldn’t be too complicated – there is a time to wake up and a time to go to bed, a time to eat, a time to play, a time to do homework (once your child is at primary school) and a time to tidy up. Even the most hectic day is calmed by a regular routine. There is no finer example of this to me than a friend of mine who was widowed a few years ago and left with the challenge of raising his 3 year old daughter alone. He is doing a superb job as a single dad, one of the reasons being that his daughter’s routine has always been a priority, even under the most dire circumstances, resulting in a really well balanced and secure child.

In amongst our family routine (a framework within which there is a degree of flexibility and room for creativity) we need to surprise our children every now and again by doing something totally out of the ordinary or unexpected to keep them on their toes. I started the year off by doing a canopy tour with my husband and children – flying through Tstistikamma Forest on ziplines, 20 – 30m above ground level. It was a challenge to my senses considering that I have never been that good with heights so this was a bit of a stretch for me. I have to admit to having butterflies the first few times (actually it was a tingling, prickly feeling in my feet), but the look on the faces of my childen as they watched me was well worth being out of my comfort zone. Now, of course, they think they might get me to do the longer, higher version at Karkloof in KZN. We’ll see!

But surprising your children can be really simple and doesn’t have to be anything fancy or expensive. In fact, my kids get a real thrill – only very occassionally, mind you – when I dive into the swimming pool and wet my hair, or let them mess my hair up while we are watching TV!

What are you going to do to surprise your children this year?

I WILL BE VISITING KZN AND CAPE TOWN………………

I will be in KZN from 16 – 18 March. The 16th and 17th are fully booked with talks but I still have the morning slot open on the 18th. Please contact me asap if you would like to book this slot for your company or school, or if you would like to host a private function. I will be in Cape Town in April and am available for just one presentation, on the evening of 21 April. Please drop me a line if you are interested in making a booking. Bookings: nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

TALKS AND WORKSHOPS

January and February are traditionally filled with lots of talks at schools. Please find below my schedule of public workshops for the next few months. Please note the booking details and click on the relevant email address.

Saturday, 21 February 2009 9 – 10.30am at Holy Rosary Convent EDENVALE

R100 per person, includes tea Bookings: Shelley Roe-Berning 082 564 7077 or shellrb@mweb.co.za

Future-proof Your Child© The world has changed. The future has changed. Childhood is changing. Raising children has never been more challenging – or potentially rewarding. Nikki Bush, creative parenting expert and author of the popular new book, Future-proof Your Child, explores what you need to know about tomorrow today, why you need to know this and what you need to do to prepare today’s children for a world that doesn’t yet exist. This talk is suitable for anyone involved in raising children, from parents to teachers, aunts, uncles, grandparents and even parents to be.

Monday, 9 March 2009 8.30 – 11.30am at the Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, BRYANSTON

R300 per person, includes notes and tea Bookings: nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

Nuts & Bolts © workshop A fun, interactive workshop covering the specific perceptual skills your child needs to acquire within the first six years of life in order to be ready for school. Parents are encouraged to put their own stamp on their child’s play experiences by using their imagination, adding love letters, breaking the rules and combining games in order to create more games! come prepared to play. 

Tuesday, 10 March 2009 9am – 12pm at the Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, BRYANSTON

R350.00 per person, includes notes and tea Bookings: nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

Big Kid Fun© workshop For all those parents (and grandparents) who have been asking “What next? What do we do with our children over the age of seven?” Big Kid Fun© is a workshop designed for families with 8 – 99 year olds who love to have fun. It is a very interactive workshop that will consist of a small amount of theory – the importance of play and staying connected with your children – and a lot of Big Kid Fun©. Yes, you will play a lot including some hilarious games you have never heard of! You will be reminded of all the fun to be had with a simple deck of cards and we will play some of my recommended family games. Big kids of all ages still wanna play and have fun. Join us for an entertaining and inspiring 3 hour workshop.

Wednesday, 11 March 2009 9am – 11.30am at the Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, BRYANSTON

R300.00 per person, includes notes and tea Bookings: nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

Future-proof Your Child AND Parenting on the Run (as a package) This is a great combination of talks – Future-proof Your Child is the scene-setter and Parenting on the Run is the practical application. Future-proof Your Child© (one hour talk) See above for details. Parenting on the Run© (one hour talk not the 2.5 hour workshop) Parents today are busy. Being able to parent creatively – on the run – makes your parenting journey easier and much more fun. In this talk, creative parenting expert and author, Nikki Bush, introduces the concept of cheating time and turning the ordinary into the extraordinary, helping parents to give away the guilt they so often feel.

She will show you how time spent in the car, doing household chores and activities or waiting for appointments, can be so valuable to both you and your child – it is never a waste of time! This insightful talk is peppered with personal anecdotes and provides dozens of practical and creative ideas to take home and try with your children.

Tuesday, 17 March 2009 7 – 8pm at Cowan House, HILTON, KZN

Bookings: Julie Hay 082 445 6764 julie@toptots.co.za

Future-proof Your Child© See details above.

Thursday, 7 May 2009 9 – 11.30am at the Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, BRYANSTON

R300 per person, includes notes and tea Bookings: nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

Parenting on the Run© workshop (full 2.5 hour version) As above but including many more creative ideas and Nikki’s ever-popular suggestions for what toys and games to pack when travelling for extended periods or long distance.

Friday, 8 May 2009 8.30 – 11.30am at the Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, BRYANSTON

R300 per person, includes notes and tea Bookings: nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

Nuts & Bolts© workshop A fun, interactive workshop covering the specific perceptual skills your child needs to acquire within the first six years of life in order to be ready for school. Parents are encouraged to put their own stamp on their child’s play experiences by using their imagination, adding love letters, breaking the rules and combining games in order to create more games! come prepared to play. 

14 – 17 May 2009 at the The Baby Expo, The Dome, NORTHGATE

Bookings: Watch the press for details.

Beyond the Nappy Bag© A brand new talk for moms who are moving into the next phase of their child’s development.

One last thought for the month:  When talking to your child try and make eye-contact as often as possible. With really small children it pays to physically get down to their level to really connect.

Keep on playing with your precious children!

NIKKI BUSH

The Bright Ideas Outfit

December 2008

Dear Clients & Colleagues 

Presence always trumps presents. More than any transient toy, your kids crave time and attention. So let them bask in your attention. (Joe Kelly, Dads and Daughters: How to inspire, understand and support Your Daughter When She’s Growing Up So Fast)

I won’t say too much in this newsletter because I think this brilliant quote above echoes the sentiment behind most of my work. When you pay attention to your children, when you make eye contact, when you really listen to them, when you get down and play a game with them without distraction and interruption, when you really want to get to know what makes them tick -that’s when you make your presence count.

I wish you all a peaceful festive season. I, for one, am going to enjoy some family time for the next few weeks after a very hectic final quarter of 2008. I look forward to meeting up with you all again at various talks and workshops in 2009. Thank you for your support, for your feedback about our book Future-proof Your Child and your responses to this newsletter. I can’t tell you how many responses I had to my query about bangers for Christmas crackers – it’s great to know that my newsletter is read!!!

IF YOU ARE IN JO’BURG AND YOU NEED SIGNED COPIES OF OUR BOOK, FUTURE-PROOF YOUR CHILD……………..

As I am closed until January, do pop in to Estoril Books in Fourways Mall where I recently signed a stack of books. Future-proof Your Child is proving to be extremely popular among parents and educators, and is being read by men and women alike.

IF YOU ARE OUTSIDE OF JO’BURG: Pop into to branches of Exclusive Books, Wordsworths and other independent books stores around the country. To order the books online, or to send to relatives elsewhere, visit :

www.kalahari.net

www.exclusives.co.za

www.loot.co.za

www.amazon.co.uk

THOMAS’ SHAPE STATION GAME IS AVAILABLE FOR CHRISTMAS

This super first shape and colour board game is now available in Toys R Us, ToyZone and other stores that stock Thomas the Tank Engine merchandise. It was developed by drama teacher Justine Heydra and myself and has been manufactured and distributed by Just Fun Toys. The artwork is beautiful and will satisfy any Thomas fan. The game stimulates visual discrimination and matching skills which are important foundations for reading and writing. Playing board games also teaches children to take turns as well as to win and lose. This game is perfect for 3 – 5 year olds and can be played with 2 – 4 players.

Cost is R199.00. Click here for pictures.

MORE GIFTING IDEAS

I am updating my website with recommended game and toy info at the moment so do visit for some ideas: www.brightideasoutfit.com. Click here for the latest update.

Keep on playing and connecting with your precious children! Make the most of the extra quality time you may have together over the holiday period.

NIKKI BUSH