Taking it slow, and being more “in the moment” as parents, gives us the opportunity to see our children operating at their own pace for a change, and not dancing either to our hectic schedules or the ones we or school have imposed on them. As you stop and smell the roses for a little while I want to encourage you to be a “watcher” from time-to-time. Stop doing, organising and micromanaging, and just take a while to be a watcher and not a doer. Observe your children with all of your senses whether you are doing something together or observing them from a distance.

Open your eyes, ears, hearts and minds and absorb your children. Soak them up. Look at their faces, really look. Listen to their conversations, really listen. Give them some money (it doesn’t have to be a lot) to buy small Christmas presents for family members, or let them choose a new decoration for the Christmas tree, and don’t judge their choice – observe with interest and give them a chance to express themselves, even if their ideas are very different to yours.

You may have the opportunity of cuddling up together as a family in the big bed, or on the couch watching a movie together or playing a game. What does it feel like? You now have the time to notice. Can you see how they have grown and matured this year and what they are now capable of that they have never been able to do before? Appreciate the growth and let your heart swell with pride. It’s a great feeling.

Enjoy their anticipation of the season of giving and receiving – they are both an art and a life skill that need to be developed. Watch how you speak to each other over this time. Talk with kindness and respect, and listen twice as much as you speak.

Watch for the little things about your children, capture moments often missed in the daily grind of our rushed and hurried lifestyles. Most of these little moments will be so fleeting is it unlikely you will be able to photograph them. It is as if you are a guest who has been privileged to ’see’ and you get to store these moments only in the recesses of your heart and mind.

The most important thing about being a “watcher” is to remember that they are watching you too, and they are doing it with their whole being, absorbing the very essence of who you are.

Happy holidays!

NIKKI BUSH

I was recently reminded by Irish philosopher and leadership expert, Sean Weafer, that the essence of life is not about being perfect but about perfecting. We are all walking a unique path in the company of others. We must discover and uncover that uniqueness — and children will help you to do just that — if you give them half a chance to be their authentic selves instead of training them to play the looking good game too.

We fall in to this trap so easily because society supports it, and because we have become so numb to our own emotions, our own need to feel. So, when it comes to birthday parties, for example, do we allow our children to get involved in making the invitations, decorations, the food and wrapping the prizes? Or do we keep all these things to ourselves, calling it hard work, instead of fun? Do our children get to really live their parties — to breath life into them — which include the planning, the putting together as well as the enjoyment of the event itself, or are they just visitors dropping in for a while to attend a well-executed event?

They need and want to be part of the process, not just the pretty outcome. It’s part of how memories are made, and how lifeskills are acquired. It’s part of building a life and living it. It’s about living, loving and appreciating.

We will all do things differently and hold varying opinions, from birthday parties to our children’s education and how we spend our time and our money. On many issues there is no longer a strictly right or wrong or black and white answer. Rather, there are many shades of grey often due to diverse backgrounds, religions, circumstances, family make up, financial situations etc. These are the things that impact on our choices or our ability to make choices, and we need to honour our journey of perfecting that which we are, and that which we are becoming.

“Out on the edge of town, beyond the place of right and wrong; there is a field.

Let’s meet there.”

Rumi

I look forward to journeying with many of you at some of my up and coming workshops in May and June. Let’s move beyond the pursuit of perfection to authentic connection — with ourselves and our children. They can tell the difference! Click here for my diary, and here for May workshop dates and here for June workshop dates.

I recently spent an interesting morning listening to visiting US clinical and organisational psychologist Dr Rob Evans, author of Family Matters: How schools can cope with the crisis in childrearing (Jossey-Bass, 2004). According to Evans, the rate of change we are experiencing and the explosion of choices around us are creating both huge opportunities and much confusion. “These conditions are having a profound effect on the way parents parent their children and the way in which they approach their child’s school and teachers.” This, he feels, is having a negative impact on our children’s preparedness for the future.

For parents to partner effectively with their children’s school, Dr Evans had the following advice:

• Stop expecting that school alone can prepare your child for the future. Parents are trying to prepare the path for the child instead of preparing the child for the path.
• Choose a school or education system, understand the rules and policies and play by them. Stop asking for exceptions for your child as it does your child no good in the long term.
• The most important lessons we learn in life we’ve often learnt at the feet of pain, loss and disappointment. Don’t take away these learning opportunities from your children. Don’t smooth the path too much or you won’t prepare the child.
• Stop worrying about whether your child is happy or whether your child actually likes you. The important thing is what kind of future you want for them and whether you are helping or hindering that preparation. Sometimes you have to hold the line with your child about the big stuff, even if it makes you unpopular. Children will get mad with you but you need to let them get glad again – they always do.
• Take a breath, find your courage and let your children grow more on their own. They all have fragile moments but few children are extremely fragile. All the evidence about children is that they are extremely resilient.

I left Dr Evans with a copy of my book, Future-proof Your Child, (Penguin, 2008) which dovetailed so beautifully with his talk. If you want to understand the forces which are changing the future as we speak, then do give it a read. Understanding what we need to know about tomorrow today, why we need to know it, and what we need to do about it will help you to parent more confidently and less tentatively. Information and understanding together with a healthy dose of courage, will enable you to make clearer choices for your children and your family today.

Dear Clients and Colleagues

When Graeme Codrington & I were interviewed about our book, Future-proof Your Child by Jenny Crys-Williams on Radio 702 two weeks ago, the conversation during one of the ad breaks turned to the fact that in an economic downturn we are forced to become more resourceful and Jenny used a lovely phrase – to become more rooted. This really resonated with me because it is exactly rootedness and resourcefulness that is the antidote to the materialism and the rampant consumerism that we have all become so accustomed to in recent years. And, perhaps, this will be the start of doing something to heal our threatened planet too. Whatever action we take or don’t take in the next while will be a shaping force on this generation of children and either the development of a mindset of sustainability and creative solutions-finding, or one of fear of lack and possible imminent disaster. Will you focus on the danger or the opportunity that is presenting itself through our shifting world?

Here are a few things you can do as families to become more rooted and resourceful this holiday season – make fun out of nothing!:

1. Make your own gift tags

Actually my 9-year old son and a friend were doodling around on the computer a few Saturday’s ago when they came to chat to me about a few ways they thought they could make a bit of money, like offering to walk people’s dogs, wash cars, etc. This conversation eventually culminated in a small business idea of making hand crafted gift tags at a fraction of the cost of bought ones, which their mothers, of course, will market through word of mouth. Their eyes were bright with enthusiasm and the possibility of making some money! In our busyness, we parents must now nurture this seed and ensure that this little business venture actually happens! Tthe idea here is to be resourceful and use up bits of cardboard and coloured paper, glue and paint that we already have on hand.

2. Wrap Christmas gifts in newsprint and decorate with stunning ribbons and bows and handmade gift tags

You’ve seen designers and interior decorators doing this in fancy magazines, now you can try it yourself, not just because it looks good, but because it saves money, trees and other resources too. And the littlies just love doing potato printing on plain white paper to create giftwrap.

3. Make your own Christmas Crackers

Get those empty toilet rolls back int use and make Christmas crackers with wrapping paper, newsprint and ribbons. Fill them with left over sweets from Halloween and and all the left over toys and giveaways from all the take-aways throughout the year (they were barely played with anyway!). Older children love joke books (I hate them) so put them to good use. Tthey can type out jokes to put into the crackers. The only thing I cannot tell you is where to find bangers. If anyone knows, please let me know. The idea here is to make the crackers together with your children.

4. Don’t by junk this Christmas – invest in good toy purchases

Yes, this is undeniably an advertisment for my annual presentation called Toy Talk, which aims to educate parents through a fun, stimulating and interactive presentation so that they can make wiser choices for their children when it comes to buying toys and games. There is a lot of junk out there – don’t waste your money. See below for more details.

ADD ANOTHER EMAIL ADDRESS TO YOUR ADDRESS BOOK

My October newsletter entitled Endings and Beginnings went out from a second email address which was not recognised by many of my corporate client’s servers. Please would you add this as a second email address for me so that the newsletters are not rejected: nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

LAST CHANCE TO ATTEND TOY TALK 2008

Toy Talk on 12 November was a runaway success. If you still want a seat for one of the next three workshops, do book now to avoid disappointment. Toy Talk will help you make wiser toy and game choices for your children. Here is the synopsis: They’re everywhere from cheap Chinese junk, to Fischer Price, Barney, Barbie, High School Musical, Lego and Meccano, to battery operated winking, blinking noisy toys to solid educational toys, to Play Station, computers Gameboys and balls, jungle gyms, pots, pans and wooden spoons.

Do children need toys? What categories of toys are there? How do children learn? Why is play so important? What are the classic toys every child needs? What’s new on the market? Where do electronic toys fit in? How to select a toy, and more. Armed with a little bit of knowledge about toys and how children learn, this fun, interactive workshop will enable you to make better choices for your child and will make shopping for games and toys a piece of cake.

Toy Talk is a two hour workshop presented by creative parenting expert and author, Nikki Bush. She is also an educational game designer and a judge on the professional panel in South Africa’s Toy of the Year Awards. If you want to know what Nikki is recommending for her “classic collection” and her “what’s hot right now selection” of toys and games, book for Toy Talk 2008 now! Suitable for parents of children from birth to age 12.

DATE/ TIME/ VENUE/ COST

Wednesday, 12 November 2008 at  7.30 – 9.30pm, Bryanston Country Club R175.00 including tea, eats, notes and a goodie bag

Friday, 21 November 2008 at 9.30 – 11.30am, Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, Bryanston

Saturday, 22 November 2008 at 9 – 11.00am, Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, Bryanston 

Monday, 24 November 2008 at 9.30 – 11.30am, Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, Bryanston 

BOOKINGS : nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za. Payment secures your seat.

SHOPPING : We have a limited selection of highly recommended games and toys on sale at the workshops (credit card facilities available). Come and get that Christmas shopping done while enjoying tea which includes our famous Scottish Flapjacks. A half an hour for shopping and tea has been factored in to the time allocation.

MORE INFO : www.brightideasoutfit.com

Regret no children as it is distracting for the other delegates.

TALKS AT SCHOOLS: I am already booked to speak at a number of schools in January, February and March 2009. Please do not leave bookings until the last minute. You need to contact me well ahead of time as Saturdays and evenings are at a premium.

BIG KID FUN WORKSHOPS

For those parents of 8 year olds plus who still want to squeeze this workshop in this year, Big Kid Fun takes place on 27 November in Dougalsdale. It will be half an hour longer than usual as I will incorporate what was relevant from Toy Talk 2008 just for this age band. This is a small workshop for only seven delegates.

Synopsis: Big Kid Fun©is for all those parents (and grandparents) who have been asking “What next? What do we do with our children over the age of seven?” Big Kid Fun© is a workshop designed for families with 8 – 99 year olds who love to have fun. It is a very interactive workshop that will consist of a small amount of theory – the importance of play and staying connected with your children – and a lot of Big Kid Fun©. Yes, you will play a lot including some hilarious games you have never heard of! You will be reminded of all the fun to be had with a simple deck of cards, and we will play our way through my selection top family games (classics and those that are hot right now). Big kids of all ages still wanna play and have fun.

Join us for an entertaining and inspiring 3 hour workshop. Of course notes and a delicious tea are included and you will be able to get all your Christmas shopping done at the same time.

DATE & TIME / VENUE / COST

Thursday, 27 November 2008 6.00 – 9.30pm Douglasdale

R300.00 per person Bookings: nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

Keep on playing and connecting with your precious children! Make the most of the extra quality time you may have together over the holiday period. NIKKI BUSH

“Our children could not grow up into fine adults if there weren’t impermanence. We are on loan to each other for only a short while. We can never bathe twice in the same river, said the Greek philosopher Heraclitus, nor can we dip into this moment of our parenthood twice, no matter how beautiful the experience.”

Jane Bartlett, Parenting with Spirit (Rider, 2004).

Here we are entering the silly season again. Where has time gone? It feels like it was yesterday that we were at the beginning of another year filled with so many plans and promises, and now we are making preparations for its closing. But that’s life isn’t it? A series of beginnings and endings.

I was privileged to attend the grade 12 Valediction Service at my children’s school last night and I was deeply moved by the closing tradition. As each grade 12 learner left the auditorium, they got to ring the brass school bell one last time symbolising the closing of a chapter of their lives, then shook the headmaster’s hand and stepped out into their future. The way each young adult rung the bell was unique and very personal. I would love to have been able to hear what was going on in their hearts and minds. Regardless, I could sense the poignance of each ring of the bell and sat with a lump in my throat – and these were not my children!

My eldest son will start in the same college next year and the tradition is that each grade 8 will get to ring that same brass school bell to symbolise the beginning of their high school career. When Ryan handed me his examination timetable for grade 7 a few weeks ago tears blurred my vision as it dawned on me that his primary school years are almost over. Where has the time gone? In just a few weeks we will be sitting through his Valediction Service.

Whatever phase of parenthood you find yourselves in, don’t waste a minute. Be as “present” as possible, live each one of the joys and challenges that your children will bring you, dance with them like there is no tomorrow, and discover more about who you are through all the experiences your children will expose you to. Your children come but once in a lifetime.

I just loved the tradition of the bell ringing. You too, can use rituals and celebrations to create special family memories. What kind of family traditions do you use to celebrate life stages/phases or rights of passage. For some thoughts on the matter, do check out my book, Future-proof Your Child(Penguin, 2008). If you have ideas to share, drop me an email, I would love to hear about them.

FUTURE-PROOF YOUR CHILD BOOK LAUNCH ON 29 OCTOBER 2008

We had a very successful book launch at The Indaba Hotel last night with a super turnout of over 200 people. We were able to raise R8000.00 from the sale of the books for The Play with a Purpose Foundation. Many thanks to The Indaba Hotel for the venue and to Penguin for all their oganisation.  Click here for more pictures.

There is quite a lot of publicity around the book at the moment. If you missed me on TV3’s Lunchbox, or ETV Sunrise last week, you can catch Graeme and I on the Jenny Cryws-Williams’ show on 702 today at 2pm. I did a pre-recorded interview with Kelly Thorington on Classic FM which will also be aired at 2pm today. Future-proof Your Child is now on sale in Exclusive Books, Estoril Books and other good book stores. You can also order it online from Kalahari.net and Amazon.com.

TOY TALK 2008 IS HERE!

They’re everywhere from cheap Chinese junk, to Fischer Price, Barney, Barbie, High School Musical, Lego and Meccano, to battery operated winking, blinking noisy toys to solid educational toys, to Play Station, computers Gameboys and balls, jungle gyms, pots, pans and wooden spoons.

Do children need toys? What categories of toys are there? How do children learn? Why is play so important? What are the classic toys every child needs? What’s new on the market? Where do electronic toys fit in? How to select a toy, and more. Armed with a little bit of knowledge about toys and how children learn, this fun, interactive workshop will enable you to make better choices for your child and will make shopping for games and toys a piece of cake. T

oy Talk is a two hour workshop presented by creative parenting expert and author, Nikki Bush. She is also an educational game designer and a judge on the professional panel in South Africa’s Toy of the Year Awards. If you want to know what Nikki is recommending for her “classic collection” and her “what’s hot right now selection” of toys and games, book for Toy Talk 2008 now! Suitable for parents of children from birth to age 12.

DATE, TIME, VENUE, COST

Wednesday, 12 November 2008 7.30 – 9.30pm Bryanston Country Club R175.00 including tea, eats, notes and a goodie bag

Friday, 21 November 2008 9.30 – 11.30am Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, Bryanston As above.

Saturday, 22 November 2008 9 – 11.00am Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, Bryanston As above.

Monday, 24 November 2008 9.30 – 11.30am Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, Bryanston As above.

BOOKINGS : nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za. Payment secures your seat.

SHOPPING : We have a limited selection of highly recommended games and toys on sale at the workshops (credit card facilities available). Come and get that Christmas shopping done while enjoying tea which includes our famous Scottish Flapjacks. A half an hour for shopping and tea has been factored in to the time allocation.

MORE INFO : www.brightideasoutfit.com Regret no children as it is distracting for the other delegates.

TALKS AT SCHOOLS: I am already booked to speak at a number of schools in January, February and March 2009. Please do not leave bookings until the last minute. You need to contact me well ahead of time as Saturdays and evenings are at a premium.

BIG KID FUN WORKSHOPS

 For those parents of 8 year olds plus who still want to squeeze this workshop in this year, we will run two Big Kid Fun workshops on 18 November and 27 November in Dougalsdale. It will be half an hour longer than usual as I will incorporate what was relevant from Toy Talk 2008 just for this age band.

Big Kid Fun©is for all those parents (and grandparents) who have been asking “What next? What do we do with our children over the age of seven?” Big Kid Fun© is a workshop designed for families with 8 – 99 year olds who love to have fun. It is a very interactive workshop that will consist of a small amount of theory – the importance of play and staying connected with your children – and a lot of Big Kid Fun©. Yes, you will play a lot including some hilarious games you have never heard of! You will be reminded of all the fun to be had with a simple deck of cards, and we will play our way through my selection top family games (classics and those that are hot right now).

Big kids of all ages still wanna play and have fun. Join us for an entertaining and inspiring 3 hour workshop. Of course notes and a delicious tea are included and you will be able to get all your Christmas shopping done at the same time.

DATE & TIME VENUE COST

Tuesday, 18 November 2008 9am – 12.30pm Douglasdale R300.00 per person

Thursday, 27 November 2008 6.00 – 9.30pm Douglasdale R300.00 per person

Bookings: nikki@brightideasoutfit.com

Keep on playing and connecting with your precious children!

NIKKI BUSH

The Bright Ideas Outfit

Nikki Bush, creative parenting expert and author, explores what you need to know about tomorrow’s world and what you need to do to prepare today’s children for a world that doesn’t yet exist. The focus is on understanding the future, creating appropriate structures and developing characteristics in your children (and yourself) that will help them face anything that life might throw at them. Raising children who will “be talent” is to raise children who are going to have what it takes not just to survive this new world, but who will be able to shape and influence it too. To be successful in the future, our children need to be “future-proofed” by influential adults (primarily their parents and teachers) in the foundation phase of their lives – from birth to age 10 – before they enter puberty.

This thought provoking multimedia presentation will introduce you to the X-factors required for success in 2020 and beyond, providing many practical ideas to help children to develop them from an early age. It will highlight the critical importance of making choices, having conversations and choosing to consciously connect with tomorrow’s children today.

This presentation has been developed by Nikki Bush and Dr Graeme Codrington who have co-authored the book Future-proof Your Child, due for release by Penguin on 1 October 2008. 

“Play is the foundation of creative intelligence, but like any intelligence it must be developed, in keeping with nature’s model imperative. The child who is played with will learn to play. The child who is not played with will be unable to play and be at risk on every level.” Joseph Chilton Pearce, Evolution’s End (1993)

Since my last newsletter I have become the mother of a teenager! My son Ryan turned 13 this month and now towers well over an inch above me and has a size 11 shoe (yes, his dad is 6ft5” tall!). My wired son now sms’s the landline to tell me when he is in bed and ready to be tucked in. I got the giggles the other night when this American voicemail voice came down the line saying: “Are you coming any time soon?” Cheeky boy!

We are loving watching all Ryan’s friends turn into teens and what a great group of kids they are. We organised a Mad Food Party for 17 thirteen year olds the other day and they had a ball trying to decode their menus and ordering the strangest of concoctions. For first course one child ordered a knife, fork, spoon, salt and pepper (Neptune’s Trident, Mugger’s Delight, Medium Shovel, Savoury Rock and Hot Sneeze)! Many received ice cream with mayonnaise on the side and a sosatie for mains (Eskimo Milk, Tangy Dipper and Pierced Hen) with no utensils at all, and still others found themselves eating salad with chocolate sauce and yellow rice for dessert (Bunny’s Brunch, Solid Cocoa and Lello Lice), with a toothpick. In between we played some hilarious games and then the boys kept asking for more. It just goes to show that big kids stilll wanna play and have fun! Just because they are growing up and are part of the wired generation doesn’t mean they have outgrown the need or desire to play. And this is why I have developed the Big Kid Fun© Workshop for parents of children from eight years to teens (yes, I will teach you the hilarious games we played at the party too!).

I was relieved of all mothering duties last weekend as my husband took our boys off to the Desert Rally in Botswana with a couple of mates and their sons. They camped out in the middle of nowhere, not showering on cleaning their teeth for two days and nights. They watched the cars, bikes and quads come racing by, got absolutely filthy from playing one, two, three block in the bush and returned with a patchwork quilt of thorn scratches on their legs. The dads say it is amazing how the boys never whinge and are so brave when mum isn’t around! It was really good ‘boy fun’ for Father’s Day, that has become an annual tradition for these lads and dads, proving the point that there’s nothing as rewarding as making fun out of nothing. When there are no toys, nature provides all the inspiration for wholesome fun. Space and nature is something children, and boys in particular, yearn for. It is a rare commodity in our world of high density living and the limitations placed on our children’s freedom to explore the outdoors due to security issues.

What family traditions are you creating that your children will be able to reminisce about around a campfire one day? Are you making the time to get your children ‘out’ and away from the lure of the multimedia home entertainment centre that has become more than just the babysitter but a perceived bodyguard? And if you can’t get out, get playing. Here is something you can start with………………………..

BIG KID FUN© WORKSHOPS

Big Kid Fun© is for all those parents (and grandparents) who have been asking “What next? What do we do with our children over the age of seven?” Big Kid Fun© is a workshop designed for families with 8 – 99 year olds who love to have fun. It is a very interactive workshop that will consist of a small amount of theory – the importance of play and staying connected with your children – and a lot of Big Kid Fun©. Yes, you will play a lot including some hilarious games you have never heard of! You will be reminded of all the fun to be had with a simple deck of cards, then you will tantalise your tastebuds with some heavenly winter desserts, tea and coffee, afterwhich I will take you through my top family games (classics and those that are hot right now). Big kids of all ages still wanna play and have fun. Join us for an entertaining and inspiring 3 hour workshop.

DATE & TIME (choose one date): Wednesday, 16 July, 7 – 10pm, Thursday, 17 July, 9am – 12pm Wednesday, 23 July, 7 – 10pm Wednesday, 30 July, 7 – 10pm Thursday, 31 July, 7 – 10pm

VENUE : 6 Lombardi Lane, Douglasdale

COST : R300.00 per person including workshop, notes, refreshments and lucky draws)

BOOKINGS : brightideas@powerpt.co.za

PARENTING ON THE RUN© WORKSHOP

Come and learn how to cheat time in this interactive 2 ½ hour workshop. Leave armed with over 100 creative and practical ideas for converting what you would normally consider wasted time with your children, into quality time. I will show you how to maximize time spent in the car; doing everyday household activities, or even waiting for appointments with your child.

I will also include my ever-popular suggestions on toys to pack for travelling, or for when you are simply on the run. Your child need never be bored and you can always connect no matter where you are or what you are doing. Connecting and communicating your child can be so easy. Join the quest to become a more creative and effective parent. Suitable for parents with children from 2 – 8 (although all ideas are relevant right up to teens!).

DATE & TIME: Tuesday, 22 July 2008, 9 – 11.30am

VENUE : 6 Lombardi Lane, Douglasdale

COST : R250.00 per person including notes, refreshments and lucky draws

BOOKINGS : brightideas@powerpt.co.za

Keep on playing and connecting with your precious children!

NIKKI BUSH

The Bright Ideas Outfit

Today was a big day – Graeme Codrington and I signed our publishing contract with Penguin! Our long awaited book on 21st century parenting will be published in October this year (final title as yet unknown). It takes a look at what parents need to know about tomorrow today, why they need to know this and what they need to do to prepare their children for the world of the future – a world that doesn’t yet exist. It introduces a parenting framework around conversation, connection and choice that will provide our children with some form of stability in a constantly changing world. We are really excited about this project. Our talks touch on many aspects contained within the book and we can’t wait to share this information with you in expanded form. I will, of course, have a new multimedia presentation available later in the year focussing on core issues within the book.

On this celebratory note, and better late than never, may I wish you an exciting year ahead with the children you parent or those you care for or teach. As children constantly change and grow we need to make creative adjustments to the way we parent, lead and guide them. What worked last year won’t necessarily work this year – and you thought you had it all waxed! We also need to keep up with the changing times and technology. Today, my 12 year old son Ryan was studying for his Economics & Management Sciences test. We were doing multi-coloured mind maps on my flipchart and then ran out of time for him to reproduce smaller versions in an A4 format. No problem, Ryan whipped out newly acquired very first cellphone (of which he is extremely proud) and proceeded to photograph the mind maps so that he can go through them again on the way to school tomorrow! Pretty nifty thinking there I thought. Good use of technology.

I look forward to continuing to share experiences and swop ideas with you in my talks and workshops this year. To all you busy parents, don’t miss the next Parenting on the Run workshops……………..

PARENTING ON THE RUN

Come and learn how to cheat time in this interactive workshop. Leave armed with over 100 creative and practical ideas for converting what you would normally consider wasted time with your children, into quality time.

Nikki Bush will show you how to maximize time spent in the car; doing everyday household activities, or even waiting for appointments with your child. You can stimulate your child’s brain and connect emotionally even when you are on the run. Nikki will also include her ever-popular suggestions on toys to pack for travelling, or for when you are simply on the run.

Connecting and communicating your child can be so easy.

DATE & TIMES:  29 February 2008 or 1 March 2008, both 9 – 11.30am

VENUE           :  Miele Lifestyle Gallery, Peter Place, Bryanston

COST             : R200.00 per person

Bookings for all the above workshops is essential. Email your bookings to brightideas@powerpt.co.za.

“I can’t believe that I don’t have to feel guilty about being busy anymore!” Audrey Stanley

“Many thanks for the fantastic Parenting on the Run workshop. Your practical suggestions have worked brilliantly for us. I have two very busy little boys (4 and 2) who are easily bored and distracted, but they are putty in my hands with my newfound “box of tricks”! “ Kathleen Bartels

For testimonials open the attached invitation or visit www.brightideasoutfit.com and click on FEEDBACK.

LIVING & LOVING/STANDARD BANK MOMPRENEUR FUNCTIONS

I will be speaking in Johannesburg, Durban, Bloemfontein and Cape Town at the Living & Loving/Standard Bank Mompreneur functions over the next month or so, presenting a mini one hour version of Parenting on the Run. These seminars are aimed at mums who are also entrepreneurs. There will be two other speakers: Iona Minton on Financial Fitness for Women and Helen Nicholson on Learning to Master the Art of Networking. If you are interested in attending, call 0860 105 945 to book your seat now.

Keep having fun connecting with your children.

Kind regards

NIKKI BUSH www.brightideasoutfit.com

We live in a society that is hell bent on perfection – the perfect figure, the perfect outfit, the perfect car, house, boyfriend, wife, the whitest Smile, perfect children and the list goes on. As consumers we demand goods of the highest quality and we will be the first to complain if they are not. We are surrounded by images of society’s take on perfection and we often don’t quite make the grade so we commit ourselves to the pursuit of chasing perfection. This is all well and good until we become parents and we are knocked sideways by sleepless nights, babies that won’t eat, childhood illnesses, two-year old tantrums, three-year old wannabes, feisty four-year olds and belligerent adolescents. Lots of less than perfect situations, which often show up how out of control things can get and may reflect badly on our “perfect image”!

Life is not perfect, in fact real life has moments real of guts and gore – physically and emotionally. Things don’t always go right and we are not permanently happy. Life is a journey, not a destination, and we often need to stay on the floor for long enough to learn the lessons before dusting ourselves off, getting up and moving on again. We have to get this notion of perfection out of our heads and replace it with the word ‘workable’. Workable is much more forgiving and attainable, and will lead to less disappointment especially as we live our lives on the run today. Workable is doing what is able to be done, working within more realistic parameters, combining the head and heart.

Our preoccupation with perfection has its place in certain instances, but not everything needs to be of the highest standard. Sometimes near enough is good enough, unless you are a parachute maker or a manufacturer of condoms, says Michael Grose, parenting author and guru, in his book Working Parents.

For those of us with children in therapy we are called to be patient and tolerant as our children display their “imperfections” everyday – at home or in the classroom. Remember that the aim of therapy is first and foremost, to create functionality in a certain area where your child is challenged or experiencing difficulty. Once functionality has been achieved only then does your child’s therapist start working on the quality or grading of the child’s performance. In many instances often near enough is good enough and you will notice what a huge difference these improvements make to your child mentally, physically and emotionally, even though they are not perfect. These achievements are to be celebrated and deeply appreciated for they are the result of a huge amount of effort and teamwork. When a child overcomes a difficulty it can be so rewarding to the entire family who have invested themselves in the therapy, in the reinforcement that takes place through exercises at home as well as their emotional encouragement and support for the child who is in therapy.

Having children in therapy gives us an opportunity to take stock and realise that there is unbelievable beauty even when little bodies and brains don’t work as perfectly as they should. If we can see our children’s challenges as opportunities to grow ourselves on every level, then we soon realise that the road to “near enough is good enough” is well worth the journey!

Doing reinforcement exercises with your child at home provides you with quality time and a wonderful window of opportunity to connect with your child in ways other parents don’t. Use the time to get to know your child’s personality better. It’s a time to encourage and show how much you believe in your child, laying down the foundations for the personal qualities of self-belief, good self-esteem and perseverance. Children who have been handled positively in therapy by both the therapist and the family often become extremely resilient, one of the most important prerequisites for a successful life in the 21st century. I wish you patience (for all good things take time), perseverance and wisdom on your journey to “workable”. And remember that most of the time, near enough is good enough.

This is all positive and interesting stuff, however, as I say to parents in my Connecting with Children through the Noise & Clutter presentation, while these organisations are doing a great job on our behalf, it is only half of the battle won. We, as parents, have to take responsibility for what goes on in our own homes and backyards too. Here are some thoughts to ponder:

- Are we taking advantage of teachable moments to educate our children (billboard advertisements, inappropriate TV viewing etc)?
- Are we helping our children to select appropriate on-screen content?
- Are we limiting our children’s exposure to on-screen media and balancing it with real play experiences?
- Are we educating ourselves about the various media and communication channels our children are accessing or being accessed by (www.digitalads.org )
- Are we educating our children about marketing tactics? What is the marketer or advertiser is really selling and how are they doing it?
- Do these marketing messages fit in with our family values?
- Are we giving our children clear guidelines as to the unwritten ground rules that apply in our own homes (how we do things around here)?
- Are we spending enough time face-to-face with our children?
- Are we outsourcing child care or are we outsourcing actual parenting today?
- How well do we know our child? Do we know which buttons to press to engage him or her?

As a parent you are your child’s primary educator and principle purveyor of values. You are the role model and your child copies you. Are you walking your talk? Remember that we are living in the Age of the Image – children are taking their cues more from what they see than what they hear. This has huge ramifications for families for it is no longer a ‘do as I say world’, but a ‘do as I do world’. Our children are watching us. So are advertisers and marketers, who are competing for our leading role.

The world is as it is. The media and technology are not going to go away. It is a fact that we can no longer totally protect our children in a plug and play world. Today the world comes to you, with or without your permission. It interacts with your child too, much of the time with or without your permission (billboards and cellphones are good examples, for more see www.digitalads.org ). This also means that the world today is full of teachable moments. Are you going to avoid them or use them to educate and protect your child? Without a doubt, young children need to learn to discern from an extremely early age. The process of teaching your child to be discerning and media savvy is one of the ways in which you can help to keep them safe. This process starts with you, the parent – your preparedness to really engage with your child; the relationship you consciously set out to build with your child; the knowledge you acquire, and the skill with which you apply that knowledge to your parenting journey.

If there ever was a need to parent consciously, the time is NOW!