There is a rising tide of anxiety among parents about the future and the prospects for their children because the future is no longer predictable. With less certainty parents feel less confident about parenting and how to prepare their children for their future. Through my work with mums and dads I find this translating into an increase in tentative parenting, and you can’t be tentative with children. Tentative parenting is wobbly, at best, and scary for children at worst. Hesitant or overly cautious parents often do their children a disservice by creating a leadership vacuum or denying their children sufficient opportunities for growth by being overprotective.

I recently spent an interesting morning listening to visiting US clinical and organisational psychologist Dr Rob Evans, author of Family Matters: How schools can cope with the crisis in childrearing (Jossey-Bass, 2004). According to Evans, the rate of change we are experiencing and the explosion of choices around us are creating both huge opportunities and much confusion. “These conditions are having a profound effect on the way parents parent their children and the way in which they approach their child’s school and teachers.” This, he feels, is having a negative impact on our children’s preparedness for the future.

For parents to partner effectively with their children’s school, Dr Evans had the following advice:

• Stop expecting that school alone can prepare your child for the future. Parents are trying to prepare the path for the child instead of preparing the child for the path.
• Choose a school or education system, understand the rules and policies and play by them. Stop asking for exceptions for your child as it does your child no good in the long term.
• The most important lessons we learn in life we’ve often learnt at the feet of pain, loss and disappointment. Don’t take away these learning opportunities from your children. Don’t smooth the path too much or you won’t prepare the child.
• Stop worrying about whether your child is happy or whether your child actually likes you. The important thing is what kind of future you want for them and whether you are helping or hindering that preparation. Sometimes you have to hold the line with your child about the big stuff, even if it makes you unpopular. Children will get mad with you but you need to let them get glad again – they always do.
• Take a breath, find your courage and let your children grow more on their own. They all have fragile moments but few children are extremely fragile. All the evidence about children is that they are extremely resilient.

I left Dr Evans with a copy of my book, Future-proof Your Child, (Penguin, 2008) which dovetailed so beautifully with his talk. If you want to understand the forces which are changing the future as we speak, then do give it a read. Understanding what we need to know about tomorrow today, why we need to know it, and what we need to do about it will help you to parent more confidently and less tentatively. Information and understanding together with a healthy dose of courage, will enable you to make clearer choices for your children and your family today.

November 2008

Dear Clients and Colleagues

When Graeme Codrington & I were interviewed about our book, Future-proof Your Child by Jenny Crys-Williams on Radio 702 two weeks ago, the conversation during one of the ad breaks turned to the fact that in an economic downturn we are forced to become more resourceful and Jenny used a lovely phrase – to become more rooted. This really resonated with me because it is exactly rootedness and resourcefulness that is the antidote to the materialism and the rampant consumerism that we have all become so accustomed to in recent years. And, perhaps, this will be the start of doing something to heal our threatened planet too. Whatever action we take or don’t take in the next while will be a shaping force on this generation of children and either the development of a mindset of sustainability and creative solutions-finding, or one of fear of lack and possible imminent disaster. Will you focus on the danger or the opportunity that is presenting itself through our shifting world?

Here are a few things you can do as families to become more rooted and resourceful this holiday season – make fun out of nothing!:

1. Make your own gift tags

Actually my 9-year old son and a friend were doodling around on the computer a few Saturday’s ago when they came to chat to me about a few ways they thought they could make a bit of money, like offering to walk people’s dogs, wash cars, etc. This conversation eventually culminated in a small business idea of making hand crafted gift tags at a fraction of the cost of bought ones, which their mothers, of course, will market through word of mouth. Their eyes were bright with enthusiasm and the possibility of making some money! In our busyness, we parents must now nurture this seed and ensure that this little business venture actually happens! Tthe idea here is to be resourceful and use up bits of cardboard and coloured paper, glue and paint that we already have on hand.

2. Wrap Christmas gifts in newsprint and decorate with stunning ribbons and bows and handmade gift tags

You’ve seen designers and interior decorators doing this in fancy magazines, now you can try it yourself, not just because it looks good, but because it saves money, trees and other resources too. And the littlies just love doing potato printing on plain white paper to create giftwrap.

3. Make your own Christmas Crackers

Get those empty toilet rolls back int use and make Christmas crackers with wrapping paper, newsprint and ribbons. Fill them with left over sweets from Halloween and and all the left over toys and giveaways from all the take-aways throughout the year (they were barely played with anyway!). Older children love joke books (I hate them) so put them to good use. Tthey can type out jokes to put into the crackers. The only thing I cannot tell you is where to find bangers. If anyone knows, please let me know. The idea here is to make the crackers together with your children.

4. Don’t by junk this Christmas – invest in good toy purchases

Yes, this is undeniably an advertisment for my annual presentation called Toy Talk, which aims to educate parents through a fun, stimulating and interactive presentation so that they can make wiser choices for their children when it comes to buying toys and games. There is a lot of junk out there – don’t waste your money. See below for more details.

ADD ANOTHER EMAIL ADDRESS TO YOUR ADDRESS BOOK

My October newsletter entitled Endings and Beginnings went out from a second email address which was not recognised by many of my corporate client’s servers. Please would you add this as a second email address for me so that the newsletters are not rejected: nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

LAST CHANCE TO ATTEND TOY TALK 2008

Toy Talk on 12 November was a runaway success. If you still want a seat for one of the next three workshops, do book now to avoid disappointment. Toy Talk will help you make wiser toy and game choices for your children. Here is the synopsis: They’re everywhere from cheap Chinese junk, to Fischer Price, Barney, Barbie, High School Musical, Lego and Meccano, to battery operated winking, blinking noisy toys to solid educational toys, to Play Station, computers Gameboys and balls, jungle gyms, pots, pans and wooden spoons.

Do children need toys? What categories of toys are there? How do children learn? Why is play so important? What are the classic toys every child needs? What’s new on the market? Where do electronic toys fit in? How to select a toy, and more. Armed with a little bit of knowledge about toys and how children learn, this fun, interactive workshop will enable you to make better choices for your child and will make shopping for games and toys a piece of cake.

Toy Talk is a two hour workshop presented by creative parenting expert and author, Nikki Bush. She is also an educational game designer and a judge on the professional panel in South Africa’s Toy of the Year Awards. If you want to know what Nikki is recommending for her “classic collection” and her “what’s hot right now selection” of toys and games, book for Toy Talk 2008 now! Suitable for parents of children from birth to age 12.

DATE/ TIME/ VENUE/ COST

Wednesday, 12 November 2008 at  7.30 – 9.30pm, Bryanston Country Club R175.00 including tea, eats, notes and a goodie bag

Friday, 21 November 2008 at 9.30 – 11.30am, Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, Bryanston

Saturday, 22 November 2008 at 9 – 11.00am, Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, Bryanston 

Monday, 24 November 2008 at 9.30 – 11.30am, Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, Bryanston 

BOOKINGS : nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za. Payment secures your seat.

SHOPPING : We have a limited selection of highly recommended games and toys on sale at the workshops (credit card facilities available). Come and get that Christmas shopping done while enjoying tea which includes our famous Scottish Flapjacks. A half an hour for shopping and tea has been factored in to the time allocation.

MORE INFO : www.brightideasoutfit.com

Regret no children as it is distracting for the other delegates.

TALKS AT SCHOOLS: I am already booked to speak at a number of schools in January, February and March 2009. Please do not leave bookings until the last minute. You need to contact me well ahead of time as Saturdays and evenings are at a premium.

BIG KID FUN WORKSHOPS

For those parents of 8 year olds plus who still want to squeeze this workshop in this year, Big Kid Fun takes place on 27 November in Dougalsdale. It will be half an hour longer than usual as I will incorporate what was relevant from Toy Talk 2008 just for this age band. This is a small workshop for only seven delegates.

Synopsis: Big Kid Fun©is for all those parents (and grandparents) who have been asking “What next? What do we do with our children over the age of seven?” Big Kid Fun© is a workshop designed for families with 8 – 99 year olds who love to have fun. It is a very interactive workshop that will consist of a small amount of theory – the importance of play and staying connected with your children – and a lot of Big Kid Fun©. Yes, you will play a lot including some hilarious games you have never heard of! You will be reminded of all the fun to be had with a simple deck of cards, and we will play our way through my selection top family games (classics and those that are hot right now). Big kids of all ages still wanna play and have fun.

Join us for an entertaining and inspiring 3 hour workshop. Of course notes and a delicious tea are included and you will be able to get all your Christmas shopping done at the same time.

DATE & TIME / VENUE / COST

Thursday, 27 November 2008 6.00 – 9.30pm Douglasdale

R300.00 per person Bookings: nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

Keep on playing and connecting with your precious children! Make the most of the extra quality time you may have together over the holiday period. NIKKI BUSH

Dear Clients and Colleagues

“Our children could not grow up into fine adults if there weren’t impermanence. We are on loan to each other for only a short while. We can never bathe twice in the same river, said the Greek philosopher Heraclitus, nor can we dip into this moment of our parenthood twice, no matter how beautiful the experience.”

Jane Bartlett, Parenting with Spirit (Rider, 2004).

Here we are entering the silly season again. Where has time gone? It feels like it was yesterday that we were at the beginning of another year filled with so many plans and promises, and now we are making preparations for its closing. But that’s life isn’t it? A series of beginnings and endings.

I was privileged to attend the grade 12 Valediction Service at my children’s school last night and I was deeply moved by the closing tradition. As each grade 12 learner left the auditorium, they got to ring the brass school bell one last time symbolising the closing of a chapter of their lives, then shook the headmaster’s hand and stepped out into their future. The way each young adult rung the bell was unique and very personal. I would love to have been able to hear what was going on in their hearts and minds. Regardless, I could sense the poignance of each ring of the bell and sat with a lump in my throat – and these were not my children!

My eldest son will start in the same college next year and the tradition is that each grade 8 will get to ring that same brass school bell to symbolise the beginning of their high school career. When Ryan handed me his examination timetable for grade 7 a few weeks ago tears blurred my vision as it dawned on me that his primary school years are almost over. Where has the time gone? In just a few weeks we will be sitting through his Valediction Service.

Whatever phase of parenthood you find yourselves in, don’t waste a minute. Be as “present” as possible, live each one of the joys and challenges that your children will bring you, dance with them like there is no tomorrow, and discover more about who you are through all the experiences your children will expose you to. Your children come but once in a lifetime.

I just loved the tradition of the bell ringing. You too, can use rituals and celebrations to create special family memories. What kind of family traditions do you use to celebrate life stages/phases or rights of passage. For some thoughts on the matter, do check out my book, Future-proof Your Child(Penguin, 2008). If you have ideas to share, drop me an email, I would love to hear about them.

FUTURE-PROOF YOUR CHILD BOOK LAUNCH ON 29 OCTOBER 2008

We had a very successful book launch at The Indaba Hotel last night with a super turnout of over 200 people. We were able to raise R8000.00 from the sale of the books for The Play with a Purpose Foundation. Many thanks to The Indaba Hotel for the venue and to Penguin for all their oganisation.  Click here for more pictures.

There is quite a lot of publicity around the book at the moment. If you missed me on TV3’s Lunchbox, or ETV Sunrise last week, you can catch Graeme and I on the Jenny Cryws-Williams’ show on 702 today at 2pm. I did a pre-recorded interview with Kelly Thorington on Classic FM which will also be aired at 2pm today. Future-proof Your Child is now on sale in Exclusive Books, Estoril Books and other good book stores. You can also order it online from Kalahari.net and Amazon.com.

TOY TALK 2008 IS HERE!

They’re everywhere from cheap Chinese junk, to Fischer Price, Barney, Barbie, High School Musical, Lego and Meccano, to battery operated winking, blinking noisy toys to solid educational toys, to Play Station, computers Gameboys and balls, jungle gyms, pots, pans and wooden spoons.

Do children need toys? What categories of toys are there? How do children learn? Why is play so important? What are the classic toys every child needs? What’s new on the market? Where do electronic toys fit in? How to select a toy, and more. Armed with a little bit of knowledge about toys and how children learn, this fun, interactive workshop will enable you to make better choices for your child and will make shopping for games and toys a piece of cake. T

oy Talk is a two hour workshop presented by creative parenting expert and author, Nikki Bush. She is also an educational game designer and a judge on the professional panel in South Africa’s Toy of the Year Awards. If you want to know what Nikki is recommending for her “classic collection” and her “what’s hot right now selection” of toys and games, book for Toy Talk 2008 now! Suitable for parents of children from birth to age 12.

DATE, TIME, VENUE, COST

Wednesday, 12 November 2008 7.30 – 9.30pm Bryanston Country Club R175.00 including tea, eats, notes and a goodie bag

Friday, 21 November 2008 9.30 – 11.30am Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, Bryanston As above.

Saturday, 22 November 2008 9 – 11.00am Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, Bryanston As above.

Monday, 24 November 2008 9.30 – 11.30am Miele Gallery of Fine Living, Peter Place, Bryanston As above.

BOOKINGS : nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za. Payment secures your seat.

SHOPPING : We have a limited selection of highly recommended games and toys on sale at the workshops (credit card facilities available). Come and get that Christmas shopping done while enjoying tea which includes our famous Scottish Flapjacks. A half an hour for shopping and tea has been factored in to the time allocation.

MORE INFO : www.brightideasoutfit.com Regret no children as it is distracting for the other delegates.

TALKS AT SCHOOLS: I am already booked to speak at a number of schools in January, February and March 2009. Please do not leave bookings until the last minute. You need to contact me well ahead of time as Saturdays and evenings are at a premium.

BIG KID FUN WORKSHOPS

 For those parents of 8 year olds plus who still want to squeeze this workshop in this year, we will run two Big Kid Fun workshops on 18 November and 27 November in Dougalsdale. It will be half an hour longer than usual as I will incorporate what was relevant from Toy Talk 2008 just for this age band.

Big Kid Fun©is for all those parents (and grandparents) who have been asking “What next? What do we do with our children over the age of seven?” Big Kid Fun© is a workshop designed for families with 8 – 99 year olds who love to have fun. It is a very interactive workshop that will consist of a small amount of theory – the importance of play and staying connected with your children – and a lot of Big Kid Fun©. Yes, you will play a lot including some hilarious games you have never heard of! You will be reminded of all the fun to be had with a simple deck of cards, and we will play our way through my selection top family games (classics and those that are hot right now).

Big kids of all ages still wanna play and have fun. Join us for an entertaining and inspiring 3 hour workshop. Of course notes and a delicious tea are included and you will be able to get all your Christmas shopping done at the same time.

DATE & TIME VENUE COST

Tuesday, 18 November 2008 9am – 12.30pm Douglasdale R300.00 per person

Thursday, 27 November 2008 6.00 – 9.30pm Douglasdale R300.00 per person

Bookings: nikki@brightideasoutfit.com

Keep on playing and connecting with your precious children!

NIKKI BUSH

The Bright Ideas Outfit

The world has changed. The future has changed. Childhood is changing. Raising children has never been more challenging – or potentially rewarding. This presentation is suitable for anyone involved in raising children, from parents to teachers, aunts, uncles, grandparents and even parents to be.

Nikki Bush, creative parenting expert and author, explores what you need to know about tomorrow’s world and what you need to do to prepare today’s children for a world that doesn’t yet exist. The focus is on understanding the future, creating appropriate structures and developing characteristics in your children (and yourself) that will help them face anything that life might throw at them. Raising children who will “be talent” is to raise children who are going to have what it takes not just to survive this new world, but who will be able to shape and influence it too. To be successful in the future, our children need to be “future-proofed” by influential adults (primarily their parents and teachers) in the foundation phase of their lives – from birth to age 10 – before they enter puberty.

This thought provoking multimedia presentation will introduce you to the X-factors required for success in 2020 and beyond, providing many practical ideas to help children to develop them from an early age. It will highlight the critical importance of making choices, having conversations and choosing to consciously connect with tomorrow’s children today.

This presentation has been developed by Nikki Bush and Dr Graeme Codrington who have co-authored the book Future-proof Your Child, due for release by Penguin on 1 October 2008. 

Dear Clients & Colleagues

“Play is the foundation of creative intelligence, but like any intelligence it must be developed, in keeping with nature’s model imperative. The child who is played with will learn to play. The child who is not played with will be unable to play and be at risk on every level.” Joseph Chilton Pearce, Evolution’s End (1993)

Since my last newsletter I have become the mother of a teenager! My son Ryan turned 13 this month and now towers well over an inch above me and has a size 11 shoe (yes, his dad is 6ft5” tall!). My wired son now sms’s the landline to tell me when he is in bed and ready to be tucked in. I got the giggles the other night when this American voicemail voice came down the line saying: “Are you coming any time soon?” Cheeky boy!

We are loving watching all Ryan’s friends turn into teens and what a great group of kids they are. We organised a Mad Food Party for 17 thirteen year olds the other day and they had a ball trying to decode their menus and ordering the strangest of concoctions. For first course one child ordered a knife, fork, spoon, salt and pepper (Neptune’s Trident, Mugger’s Delight, Medium Shovel, Savoury Rock and Hot Sneeze)! Many received ice cream with mayonnaise on the side and a sosatie for mains (Eskimo Milk, Tangy Dipper and Pierced Hen) with no utensils at all, and still others found themselves eating salad with chocolate sauce and yellow rice for dessert (Bunny’s Brunch, Solid Cocoa and Lello Lice), with a toothpick. In between we played some hilarious games and then the boys kept asking for more. It just goes to show that big kids stilll wanna play and have fun! Just because they are growing up and are part of the wired generation doesn’t mean they have outgrown the need or desire to play. And this is why I have developed the Big Kid Fun© Workshop for parents of children from eight years to teens (yes, I will teach you the hilarious games we played at the party too!).

I was relieved of all mothering duties last weekend as my husband took our boys off to the Desert Rally in Botswana with a couple of mates and their sons. They camped out in the middle of nowhere, not showering on cleaning their teeth for two days and nights. They watched the cars, bikes and quads come racing by, got absolutely filthy from playing one, two, three block in the bush and returned with a patchwork quilt of thorn scratches on their legs. The dads say it is amazing how the boys never whinge and are so brave when mum isn’t around! It was really good ‘boy fun’ for Father’s Day, that has become an annual tradition for these lads and dads, proving the point that there’s nothing as rewarding as making fun out of nothing. When there are no toys, nature provides all the inspiration for wholesome fun. Space and nature is something children, and boys in particular, yearn for. It is a rare commodity in our world of high density living and the limitations placed on our children’s freedom to explore the outdoors due to security issues.

What family traditions are you creating that your children will be able to reminisce about around a campfire one day? Are you making the time to get your children ‘out’ and away from the lure of the multimedia home entertainment centre that has become more than just the babysitter but a perceived bodyguard? And if you can’t get out, get playing. Here is something you can start with………………………..

BIG KID FUN© WORKSHOPS

Big Kid Fun© is for all those parents (and grandparents) who have been asking “What next? What do we do with our children over the age of seven?” Big Kid Fun© is a workshop designed for families with 8 – 99 year olds who love to have fun. It is a very interactive workshop that will consist of a small amount of theory – the importance of play and staying connected with your children – and a lot of Big Kid Fun©. Yes, you will play a lot including some hilarious games you have never heard of! You will be reminded of all the fun to be had with a simple deck of cards, then you will tantalise your tastebuds with some heavenly winter desserts, tea and coffee, afterwhich I will take you through my top family games (classics and those that are hot right now). Big kids of all ages still wanna play and have fun. Join us for an entertaining and inspiring 3 hour workshop.

DATE & TIME (choose one date): Wednesday, 16 July, 7 – 10pm, Thursday, 17 July, 9am – 12pm Wednesday, 23 July, 7 – 10pm Wednesday, 30 July, 7 – 10pm Thursday, 31 July, 7 – 10pm

VENUE : 6 Lombardi Lane, Douglasdale

COST : R300.00 per person including workshop, notes, refreshments and lucky draws)

BOOKINGS : brightideas@powerpt.co.za

PARENTING ON THE RUN© WORKSHOP

Come and learn how to cheat time in this interactive 2 ½ hour workshop. Leave armed with over 100 creative and practical ideas for converting what you would normally consider wasted time with your children, into quality time. I will show you how to maximize time spent in the car; doing everyday household activities, or even waiting for appointments with your child.

I will also include my ever-popular suggestions on toys to pack for travelling, or for when you are simply on the run. Your child need never be bored and you can always connect no matter where you are or what you are doing. Connecting and communicating your child can be so easy. Join the quest to become a more creative and effective parent. Suitable for parents with children from 2 – 8 (although all ideas are relevant right up to teens!).

DATE & TIME: Tuesday, 22 July 2008, 9 – 11.30am

VENUE : 6 Lombardi Lane, Douglasdale

COST : R250.00 per person including notes, refreshments and lucky draws

BOOKINGS : brightideas@powerpt.co.za

Keep on playing and connecting with your precious children!

NIKKI BUSH

The Bright Ideas Outfit