Build Bridges to Your Grandchildren
As published in the Citadel client newsletter, June 2006
My grandmother celebrated her 90th birthday recently! Of course we held a party to honour her and celebrate her life. While she may not have been the head of a corporation – she has always been a queen of relationships – an asset that even in our warp speed 21st century world we cannot do without.
It has been a privilege to be her granddaughter for almost 40 years. Even though many of these have been at a distance, my Gran has still been a constant in the sea of change because she always invested in us emotionally, and loved us unconditionally. Enduring relationships like this bring comfort and stability, wisdom and a link to a past that may seem light years away from our modern world – a past that has helped shape today nonetheless.
While much of our lives and those of our children are influenced and even driven by technology today, relationships remind us of our humanness, of our need for others and to relate to real people. Communicating and connecting with each other is more important than ever in order to balance the hi-tech nature of our lives. I honestly believe that the more hi-tech our society becomes the greater the need for high touch!
Parents and grandparents can be a real balancing influence as evidenced by the latest BratTrax® research study released by Youth Dynamix in March 2006. It indicates that South African children aged 7 – 15, have gone off celebrities as their role models. Now they look for real ones, and they are turning back to parents and family! Celebrities have shown that they are fickle, unreliable and flawed, where parents and grandparents are real, constant and can provide personalised feedback. This is not to say that we are perfect, but our own imperfections can provide wonderful teachable moments for our children and grandchildren.
Children of every generation have had a great need to belong. However, today’s materialistic and consumer driven society has interpreted this as a need to have the latest “cool” gear, cellphone accessories and technological gadgets in order to “fit in”. Grandparents can show their grandchildren that belonging is about more than what you look like on the outside, and what you have. More importantly, it comes from developing real relationships based on values and sharing. Enjoy your role as the custodian of your family.
Families have a rich history, are filled with colourful characters, shaped by enduring traditions and specific values. Much like life they are a work in progress and can be a stabilising influence in a world that is constantly changing and evolving. Be the keeper and source of family memories. Children love a good story and you can regale them with what it was like in your day – how different things were then – but don’t judge today moralistically by saying that things were better back then. Today is as it is and you need to help your grandchildren to develop solutions to today’s problems.
Build bridges to your grandchildren and let them teach you about their world. Make them your official technology guide – they will set up your email, program your video or DVD player and be your resident IT specialist. This is second nature to the most wired generation in history. Your grandchildren have more raw data processing power than most nations have ever had! You might even find yourself enjoying a Playstation or computer flight simulation game, making cookies on a perceptual skills computer programme or communicating via email or SMS with them. Use this technology to help build your relationship with your grandchildren. Email them good luck notes for tests and exams and get them to SMS you their latest test marks. Send a virtual bunch of flowers or forward an inspirational picture or quote with a personal note attached. (Using this technology is quick and easy once you know how.) Children need to feel that you care and that they belong. Today you have so many different ways of keeping in contact with them – use them all!
Grandparents usually have more time at their disposal than their grandchildren’s parents do, so use some of your time and money to create rich memories with your grandchildren by visiting exhibitions, parks, going for walks, on holidays, and lots of other things – together! Don’t forget that children learn best through these real, concrete life experiences, especially in the early years. This phase lasts right up until the age of 12 and provides a child with a much broader platform on which to base his abstract academic learning and critical thinking skills later on.
So, grandparents, be accessible whether you live close by or not. Create opportunities to play with your grandchildren, cook with them, eat with them and communicate with them. Be more flexible and less pedantic and develop mutual respect. Quietly demonstrate great principles and values. Remember that timeless values are as relevant as always and many of the important things in life are caught and not taught. In this way you can become a valued confidante and advisor to your grandchildren, helping them to shape a satisfying life.
Jean Paul Sartre said: “What is important is not what happens to us, but how we respond to what happens to us.” How are you responding to the challenge of being a grandparent?
