Between a diary jam-packed with speaking engagements and organising my two boys’ busy school and extramural schedules, January passed in the blink of an eye. Sunday night is strategy night, and the plan for the week resembles that of a highly classified and important military operation. Sometimes it takes my breath away. I’m sure the feelings are similar in many households around the country.

Inbetween all the schedules and busyness, have you ever realised that you are always trying to market to, or sell your child/ren something – an idea, a value, a point of view, an action to be taken etc:

• It’s time for bed – NOW!
• Studying for a test IS a good idea.
• Pack your bags tonight for tomorrow.
• Carrots make you see better in the dark.
• There is no monster sleeping under your bed.
• Don’t let the dog lick your mouth – you’ll get worms!
• Sex is only for adults !!!!
• You are a gorgeous, talented individual. There is no-one quite like you.
• I love you to the moon and stars and back (even though you just nearly drove me round the bend!).

With this generation, authority does work (sometimes), particulary in the early years when “because I am your parent and I said so” still has some magical power to it, or if you have actively positioned yourself as a hero in your child’s life story. But, as children get older there is a tendency for them to either think or, even worse, verbalise “Says Who?” or “Who cares anyway?”. Living in a reward-based culture as we do, where it’s so commonplace for us to be rewarded for swiping our credit cards, being loyal to the same airline, store or restaurant, visiting the gym etc, our children could be forgiven for thinking: “If they want me to do this, what’s in it for me, what do I get?”

This is a very real challenge for 21st century parents. Of course the desired end result after years of parenting is for our children to be intrinsically motivated or self-motivated rather than relying on some form of external bribe etc. But, from time-to-time, it may be necessary to utilise various “marketing tactics” to get the message across to your child in a fun and playful way, or to get their buy-in until it becomes an adopted habit, value, thought or behaviour pattern.

You are in marketing and sales whether you like it or not! I know this fact wasn’t highlighted when you committed to becoming a parent, neither was it detailed in the fine print, but it’s true. Star charts, treats, promises and bribes are all in a parent’s marketing arsenal – to be used wisely, of course. And do watch what the marketers are doing – you could pick up an idea or two to add to your toolkit. Try these “promotions” for size, my kids loved them:

• Two for the price of one, eg. “Keep your room tidy for X weeks without being nagged and I won’t just take you for a milkshake but you can bring a friend along too”.
• Buy one, get one free, eg “Unpack your school bags / hang up your towel for a week without being asked and I’ll make you your favourite pudding on Friday night and you get to choose Friday night’s game / movie!”
• While stocks last promotion, eg “Get your homework done before the clock strikes 5pm, otherwise the offer of a game of Wii / or a game with me, runs out”.

Have fun and make it memorable.

NIKKI BUSH

In January 2010, Future-proof Your Child (Penguin, 2008) the book I co-authored with Dr Graeme Codrington, went into its first reprint. We are thrilled with the book’s success in just over a year and the interest in the the matching presentation is spiralling. For a synopsis of this popular talk click here, and contact me to make bookings for your company, school or social organisation at nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

Nikki & Mel

Nikki will appear on the first episode of M-Net’s stylish new talk show for women, by women, about women called Let’s Chat with Mel.  It’s full of excitement, laughter, entertainment, advice, real life stories and a whole lot more.  Mel and Nikki are discussing building a family brand and Parenting on the Run.  The show runs from 8 – 9pm on the M-Net Series channel.

That’s my plan for December 2009. To be gentle with myself. We live at frenetic pace, following action plans and to do lists and the treadmill barely slows down for us to sleep. In fact, in our wired world things rarely stop. Afternoon siestas are a definite must this season. While drifting into a doze yesterday the letter ‘G’ seemed to dominate my thoughts – and yes, G is also for gentle:

• To GAP IT by escaping into some fabulous novels. Reading is a wonderful escape for me even though I read a lot from a work perspective. Stories are not just for children, adults love them too – whether they are the written variety or movies.
• To GET TO THE CINEMA, something I really battle to fit in during the year, as well as to a pantomime for a good laugh.
• To play GAMES with my children every day as it’s so much fun and just a great way to reconnect with each other.
• To be a GODDESS IN THE KITCHEN. I love cooking and baking, and this is the time of year when I have time to try out new recipes.

More than anything December is for spending quality time with my family, unhurried time to just be with each other, to observe my children, to absorb where they are at, to chat, to laugh and to play. Christmas arrived early this December when we acquired two new puppies – a promise we made to our children many months ago – and how loved these two furry friends already are in the short space of just two weeks.

Wishing you love and laughter this season. My office will re-open on 13 January 2010.

NIKKI BUSH

It’s Toy Talk Season™ which means that the end of the year (and Christmas) is just around the corner. What a thought! Toy Talk takes months of preparation each year and it’s always such a joy to see parents having fun and making wise purchasing decisions based on what they have learnt and experienced at Toy Talk™. For me, personally, toys and games have always been a parenting tool – a bridge-builder – not only to teach my children certain skills while playing and having fun, but to build and maintain my relationship with them at the same time.

During the next few crazy weeks of the year, do remember to make time to connect with your child through play. Whether it’s a quick 10 minute game or a 30 minute one, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you want to share the play space with your child for a while. Play is the universal language of childhood and my belief is that it feeds all the other love languages that Gary Chapman details in his book, The Five Love Languages (well worth a read). Play is:

• an act of service (you are fulfilling your child’s need to play)
• can involve physical touch
• includes words of affirmation (you can encourage and praise)
• a gift (of your time)
• an example of quality time (when you are focused and present)

So, come and experience some of the “bridge-builders” that I am recommending this Toy Talk™ season. It is the most playful and informative shopping extravaganza of the year. Email me at nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za  to book your seat.